Southern Baptists Boycott Linux

Fake News written by James Baughn on Wednesday, August 12, 1998

from the boycott-microsoft-instead dept.

CHATTAFOOCHEEBLE, GA -- Leaders of the Southern Baptists voted earlier today to boycott Linux because of its "offensive" and "indecent" command line interface. "The programmers of Linux are perverts," one of the boycott supporters commented. "Commands like mount, finger, and startx are highly suggestive, offensive, and just plain sick."

Another supporter: "My son was able to execute the following string of commands under Linux: touch, finger, mount, make love, gasp, yes, umount, sleep. Any OS that allows this kind of perversity is obviously a tool of Satan. Linus Torvalds is the anti-Christ."

Most people disagree with the boycott, however. "Linux isn't a tool of Satan, Windows is," a former Southern Baptist member said. "The whole 'Start Menu' theme is very suggestive. 'Start Me Up' as the Win95 theme song? If that's not indecent, I don't know what is!" Another dissenter: "First it was Disney, and now Linux. What the fsck is wrong with these people?!?! The only things that should be boycotted are Microsoft and the Southern Baptists."

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