Are You Addicted to Slashdot?

Fake News written by James Baughn on Tuesday, September 1, 1998

from the follow-the-twelve-step-program dept.

A group of recovering Dotheads have formed the Slashdot Addicts Support Group. The founder of the group said, "Yes, I'm a Dothead! And frankly, this addiction has had a negative impact on my life. At one point it was so bad that I would get the shakes if I hadn't visited Slashdot within the past hour. I nearly failed my CS class because I was always busy reading the latest Slashdot headlines instead of doing my programming labs. Thankfully I am now recovering and I am offering my support to other Slashdot addicts."

Another former Slashdot junkie, Anonymous Coward, said, "After suffering the harmful effects of Slashdotism, I believe the recent study about online depression is true. Slashdot, in particular, made me feel bad. Frequent flame wars, name-calling, "first comment!" posts, and the omnipresent news articles about the latest Microsoft trangressions threw me into a depression spiral. Thankfully, with the help of the SASG, I am now recovering."

Are you a Dothead? Take this short test to find out.

  1. Do you submit articles to Slashdot and then reload the main page every 3.2 seconds to see if your article has been published yet?
  2. Have you made more than one "first comment!" post within the past week?
  3. Have you ever participated in a Gnome vs. KDE or a Linux vs. FreeBSD flamewar on Slashdot?
  4. Do you have a link to Slashdot on your homepage? Is that link the only thing on your page?
  5. Do you ever wish you could get Rob Malda's autograph?
  6. Do you worship Rob Malda? More than Linus Torvalds?
  7. Do you write humor articles about Slashdot?
  8. Do you wake up at night, go to the bathroom, and fire up your web browser to get your Slashdot fix on the way back?
  9. Instead of a TV dinner, do you eat a Slashdot dinner?
  10. Do you dump your date at the curb so you can hurry home to visit Slashdot?
  11. When shopping at the mall, do you run into a computer store to see if they have a computer that can access Slashdot?
  12. Do you dream about Slashdot?
  13. Do you send Rob Malda a fan email every day?
  14. Do you think of Slashdot when you order a taco at a restaurant?
  15. Do you run a Church of Slashdot website?
  16. Are you a charter member of the Rob Malda Fan Club?
  17. Do you forgo sex to visit Slashdot?
  18. Do you run a Slashdot parody site called Dotslash? Crashdot? Segfault?
  19. Have you donated hardware to Slashdot?
  20. Did you lease a T3 line so you could download Slashdot faster?
  21. Is Slashdot your only brower's bookmark?
  22. Do you get a buzz when your browser finally connects to Slashdot?
  23. Do you panic when your browser says "Unable to connect to slashdot.org"?
  24. Have you even made a New Year's Resolution to cut back on Slashdot access... only to visit it at 12:01?
  25. Have you ever put your mom on hold to finish reading an interesting Slashdot article?
If you answered "Yes" to at least two questions, you are a bona-fide Slashdot addict. You can receive support for your addiction by visiting the SASG at http://dothead.org (or http://slashdont.org if the other site is offline).

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