New Linux Distro: Proactive Synergy Linux

Fake News written by James Baughn on Friday, October 2, 1998

from the leverage-innovate-empower-facilitate-utilize-enable dept.

A new Linux distribution aimed at large corporations has been released. "Proactive Synergy sugarcoats Linux to make it more palatable to corporate executives," a spokesman for Proactive Synergy Paradigm, Inc. said. "In other words, PSL has been 'Dilbertized' to make it attractive to PHBs (Pointy Haired Bosses)."

PSL is very similar to other distributions except it has more "corporate-friendly" terminology. A PSL designer noted, "We basically just read through several Dilbert books and incorporated the buzzwords we saw into PSL." For instance, the Linux kernel is known as the "Linux Paradigm". X Windows is called "The Empowerment Window System" Some more PHB-friendly changes include:

  • Command line shells are called "enabling interfaces".
  • downsize (or ds for short) replaces the rm command
  • migrate replaces mv
  • dataminer is the new name for the grep command
  • The backup and archiving tools are collectively known as the "diversification tools"
  • Users are called "team players". Their home directories are located under the /cubicle hierarchy.
  • The superuser is called the "team leader" or the "team administrator"
  • Instead of /usr, user team player programs are located under the /resources directory
  • strategicalliance (or sa for short) replaces the ln command. Linked files are said to be "allied".
  • Development kernels are called "leading edge paradigms".
The PSL distribution is available for $599. It comes with the same level of tech support as that offered by Microsoft. "We offer the same busy signals and dumb answers that the others do," a Proactive Synergy tech support worker acknowledged. "This kind of support -- which is demanded by the corporate world -- is what sets us apart from other Linux distributors."

In regards to PSL, one Red Hat employee is quoted as saying, "Oh, man, I wish we had thought of that first! Instead of working on package managers and friendly installation routines, we should have worked on buzzword-compliance. No wonder Fortune 500 acceptance of Linux has been so sluggish."

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