Update: Linux Actually Decreases Electricity Use
Fake News written by on Tuesday, October 20, 1998
Recently, Humorix reported on the US Department of Energy's findings that Linux computers use more electricity than others. In response to the news, several Linux enthusiasts have stepped forward to dispute the findings. One noted kernel hacker said, "The Department of Energy claimed that the increased electricity usage was from Linux users leaving their computers on for months at a time. While this may be true, rebooting computers sucks up much more energy than continuous uptime. Since Windows computers are rebooted much more often than Linux boxes, they are really responsible for the increased electricity use."
In addition, all Linux 2.1 development kernels have had a feature called "cold fusion". One source noted, "Linus Torvalds has been using cold fusion to power his monitor and toaster for the past six months. Linux users don't leave their computers on continuously to increase their uptime, they do it to generate free electricity!" When asked for more information, the source mentioned the Linux Kernel Mailing List and told us to "read the FAQ!" He also hinted that, in addition to cold fusion, "time travel capabilities" were in the works for Linux in the next couple of years. Perhaps Linus will be right in saying that Linux can execute infinite loops in five seconds.
Cold fusion is being used at the AmericasMart Atlanta Conference Center where the Atlanta Linux Showcase will be held later this week. So far the conference center has been using an incredibly small amount of energy while preparations for the showcase are underway. According to one local meter reader, "The convention center is only using enough power to keep a cup of tea moderately warm."
We also reported that a couple of power companies plan to give away free Linux CDs as a way to boost electricity consumption. Obviously these companies are unaware of the cold fusion capabilities of Linux. One formally dressed individual urged us to remain silent about cold fusion, saying, "If the power companies feel it is in their best interest to give away the Linux operating system, who are we to stand in their way?" When questioned further the source mentioned a prior engagement to meet some familiy members at the Atlanta Zoo and asked if we knew what wine goes well with smoked herring.