Linux Ported to Homer Simpson's Brain

Fake News written by James Baughn on Sunday, November 1, 1998

from the intel-inside-idiot-outside dept.

SPRINGFIELD -- Slashdot recently reported on Homer Simpson's brain "upgrade" to an Intel CPU. Intel hails the CPU transplant as the "World's Greatest Technological Achievement". Intel originally planned to install Microsoft Windows CE (Cerebrum Enhanced) on Homer's new PentiumBrain II processor. However, due to delays in releasing Windows CE, Intel decided to install DebianBrain Linux, the new Linux port for brains.

Computer industry pundits applaud the last minute switch from Windows to Linux. One said, "I was a bit concerned for Homer. With Windows CE, I could easily imagine Homer slipping into an infinite loop: ' General Protection Fault. D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh..." Or, at the worst, the Blue Screen of Death could have become much more than a joke."

Some pundits are more concerned about the quality of the Intel CPU. "Linux is certainly an improvement over Windows. But since it's running on a PentiumBrain chip, all bets are off. What if the chip miscalculates the core temperature of Sector 7-G of the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant where Homer works? I can just imagine the story on the evening news... 'Dateline Springfield -- This city, in whatever state it's in, was obliterated into countless subatomic particles yesterday because Homer J. Simpson, nuclear power plant button-pusher, accidentally set the core temperature to 149.992322340948290 instead of 150...' If anything, an Alpha chip running Linux should have been used for Homer's new brain."

Homer is currently in stable condition at Springfield Memorial Hospital following the recent brain transplant. Dr. Nick Riviera said, "Hi, everybody! Everything is fine with Homer except for one small glitch. Every few minutes Homer says, 'I have an Intel Inside' and hums the four-note Intel jingle. Oh well." Dr. Nick then tried to persuade this Humorix reporter to accept his "Any operation -- including brain surgery -- for only $49.95!" special. I promptly refused.

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