Nerds Panic Over Slashdot Outtage, Again
Fake News written by on Saturday, November 21, 1998
Yesterday evening's unexpected Slashdot downtime put nerds worldwide in a bind. While this outtage wasn't nearly as bad as September's, many nerds still panicked. To combat future outtages, a group of Dotheads are putting together the CRASH (CRASH Reacts Automatically to Slashdot Horrors) System. One CRASH developer told Humorix, "Everyone talks about Slashdot downtime but nobody does anything about it. That is, until now."
When Slashdot is inaccessible, Dotheads will be able to activate the CRASH System by typing PANIC in a shell. Future versions of Mozilla and Lynx will automatically activate CRASH when Slashdot is down, thus saving valuable milliseconds.
Once activated, CRASH will systematically download the latest news articles from such sources as LinuxToday, Linux Weekly News, Freshmeat, InfoWorld, Wired, The Register, and ZDNet. CRASH will also grab the latest humor from such sites as Segfault, Humorix (of course!), and User Friendly. To top it off, CRASH will simulate random comments to each of the articles, including the omnipresent "First Comment!" posts, KDE vs. GNOME flame wars, and "Jon Katz sucks!" ramblings. CRASH will then put all of this together and build a facsimile of the Slashdot website.
"I can't tell the difference between Slashdot and CRASH!" one alpha tester exclaimed. "This is a godsend for Dotheads everywhere. The only complaint I have is that CRASH doesn't always choose the best news articles to feature. Some of them seem like nothing more than hype-laden company press releases. Oh, wait a minute, they're from Ziff-Davis. Now it all makes sense."
CRASH is expected to be released next month as a GPL'd program. Countless nerds will be anxiously waiting for it, hoping that Slashdot doesn't crash again in the interrim.