Linux Moody Swings
Fake News written by on Monday, November 23, 1998
Fred Moody's latest rant over at Disney/ABCNews entitled "The (Anti-) Linux Crusade" created much controversy at Slashdot. In his latest editorial, Moody comes to the conclusion that Linux sucks, based on an email he received from an anonymous "expert witness" who uses Linux at work and has a dislike for the caps lock key. With the help of Humorix's vast spy network, we have been able to intercept two relevant documents. One is the full text of the e-mail the anonymous "expert" sent to Moody and the second is an internal ABCNews memo sent to Moody from his boss. Excerpts from both documents are reproduced below.
What Moody didn't publish from his anonymous source:
fred moody -
in response to your request i have compiled a list of reasons why linux sux. in no particular order
1. configuration files are stored as clear text. this is quite dangerous anyone can make changes. windows nt, on the other hand requires configuration changes to be made thru the registry. nt is much safer because it always warns that making any kind of changes to the system could cause it to not work properly. with linux users dont have that protection. linux's reliance on text files is clearly dangerous and inscure.
2. according to my former computer science prof, the size of an operating system is inversely proportional to its quality. obviously this means that windows is vast superior, just look at how many millions of lines of code it has!!!! with its sheer size, windows maximizes resource utilization which is a good thing.
3. linus torvalds has a huge ego. the damn os is named after him how much more of an ego trip can you posibly have?
4. i used to have trouble on a machine i had with linux and windows 95 installed. i called microsoft tech support and after a three hour wait, they were able to deduce that linux was causing the trouble and advised me to reinstall everything. i removed linux and reinstalled windows 95 and everything worked perfectly. those microsoft engineers are geniuses.
5. one of my friends told me that frequent rebooting is beneficial to a computer. it cleans the computers memory he told me. windows is so well designed that periodically tells me when to reboot my computer by showing a nice blue screen or by telling me i need to reboot in order for the configuration change to take efect. my computers memory must be extra clean and in very good shape. linux though is bad for computers it never forces you to reboot.
6. with linux its too easy to make damaging mistakes. linux has the rm -rf * command which wipes out everything. windows however prompts you before you do anything like that. i trust windows to tell me when im making a mistake. when windows makes changes to my configuration such as moving icons around, i let it because i know windows was programmed by people who are smarter than i and who know how best to take care of the wellbeing of my computer.
7. data loss can occur under linux with improper shutdowns. this never happens with windows. on several occasions i have been forced to shut down my windows system after it locks up not once have i lost data. just try that under linux
8. linux is free therefore it suxx. its only available for free because nobody would pay money for it. you get what you pay for. windows high price shows how much better it is
9. the only people who like linux are nerds who stay inside all day and grow opaque from the lack of sunlite. to get anything done with linux you have to work for it. windows though has plug n play which means that stuff works right out of the box.
The source then rambles on for several more paragraphs about how terrible Linux is. These later ramblings represent the material that Moody cited in his editorial.
Internal memo from Moody's boss:
Subject: Need more ratings
Date: November 15, 1998
From: [name withheld]
To: Fred Moody
The ratings of our abcnews.com website have been particularly low, especially the tech section. Now that the Iraq and Monica situations are starting to clear up, interest is dwindling. The Microsoft trial just ain't enough. We need more traffic to keep our advertisers happy.
Your past Linux bashing articles have brought about quite a bit of controversy and interest. Controversy is good for traffic. It doesn't matter that most of your readers disagreed with you, the point is that they visited and they encouraged their friends to visit. The more visitors, the more ad impressions. The more ad impressions, the money money we gross. The more money, the higher your paycheck.
So, bash Linux, promote Microsoft, or write about something else unpopular. Your paycheck depends on it.
P.S. Make sure your column gets mentioned on that News for Nerd site, uh... Slashdot I think it is. Our bean counters show that we made several hundred dollars in ad revenue (in just one hour!) because of all the traffic that came from Slashdot in response to your last anti-Linux piece. It's too bad we can't generate targeted traffic like that ourselves.
Response to Moody's column on Slashdot has, as expected, been very negative. However, one enlightened Dothead wrote, "What's the big fuss? I think that Moody's column represents a Good Thing(tm). Think about it -- the best evidence Moody could come up with was the ramblings of an immature Linux user who can't spell and doesn't know how to use the SHIFT key. If that's the best he can do, it's quite obvious that Linux has already won..."
Fred Moody, ABCNews.com, and the Linux Boycott Campaign were unavailable for comment at press time, of course.