Update: More Pink Slips
Fake News written by on Thursday, January 28, 1999
Recently, Humorix reported that an employee at a retail store had been fired for advocating Linux during work. Since that story, we've received several other reports of nerds fired for Linux advocacy or Microsoft bashing. It would appear that the "Linux Advocacy Crackdown" has only just begun.
Some recent firings include:
- An employee at a Staples store in St. Louis, MO was fired after he had changed the configuration of the screensavers on the demo computers so they would flash the text, "Sick of Windows? Visit www.linux.org!"
- A cashier at the electronics department at a Wal-Mart store in Houston, TX was fired after he handed out Linux brochures to customers as they checked out.
- An assistant manager at a Hastings store in Spokane, WA was fired when he replaced boxes of Windows 98 on the shelves with boxes of the parody program "Macroshaft Winblows 98".
- A worker at a Barnes & Nobel bookstore in New York City was fired after he slapped "50% off!" stickers on a bunch of Linux books.
- An employee at a Babbage's software store in Chicago was fired after he told several customers that "Red Hat Linux is the codename Microsoft uses for Windows 98."
- A technician working in the control room of a TV station in Miami, FL was fired after he crawled the phrase "Microsoft sucks!" across the screen during a commercial for the Microsoft Network.
- An assistant editor for Websters Dictionary was fired after he tried to add the Microsoft logo next to the definitions for "monopoly" and "bug".
- A worker at a bookstore in Sacramento, CA was fired after he consistently placed books published by Microsoft Press on the top shelves where no one could reach them without assistance. O'Reilly books, of course, were stocked on lower shelves.
- A lawyer at Microsoft was fired for recommending that all Microsoft license agreements have a refund clause.
One victim of the ongoing Linux Advocacy Crackdown told Humorix, "Yes, I'm mad that I was let go. What's so bad about sending a harmless email to all my co-workers warning that Windows 98 contains a Doomsday Virus set to format the user's hard drive on August 24, 1999? It was just a joke! However, I'm going to make the best of this. I'm going to start my own 'portal' website and make a fortune! With the stock market like it is, I'll be able to have an IPO within weeks and become a billionaire. If those yahoos over at Yahoo can do it, so can I!"
One Linux kernel hacker observed, "The crackdown on Linux advocacy can't last forever. Eventually, Linux will achieve world domination! Then all the PHBs and the MSCEs will be groveling at our feet..." The hacker then broke into a fit of sinister laughter.