New OS Released: Yodix
Fake News written by on Monday, May 31, 1999
Most Linux fans (who are also Star Wars fans) were not surprised to learn that Bob Smith of Sometown, Iowa, today released the Yodix operating system, which is closely related to Linux. Yodix is identical in every respect to the Open Source operating system except that the GNU utilities such as bash, cp, rm, emacs, and so forth are tweaked a little bit so that the output and error messages of said commands are styled after the sayings and witticisms by the now-famous Yoda character from Star Wars.
In addition to these changes, a filter has been put in the OS so that the the kernel determines the wisdom of the action you are to perform before actually executing the command, and it also determines whether said command leads the user towards good or towards the Dark Side. This feature prevents script kiddies from running exploits from their computers (providing they are running Yodix), since the operating system absolutely refuses to perform any function designed to harm or destroy.
Here are some examples of the output generated when running commonly typed commands under Yodix:
Know you not where you are. Show you I shall.
# make bzImage
When 900 years you be, look this good you will not.
# cd /win95
Once you start down the Dark Path, forever will it dominate your destiny!
# winnuke 192.168.1.0
That, my friend, will lead you to the dark side. Help you I will not.
# rm -rf /
Idiot you are. Yeeesss.
# rm -rffffffff /
Luke, keyboard you are at, hmmm?
# ls /usr/src/yodix
Yoda! You seek Yoda!
# shutdown -h now
Luke... there is... another... Sky... walker...
# fsck /dev/hda
Unexpected this is, and unfortunate.
(Submitted by Satya, satyap [at] bom2 [dot] vsnl [dot] net [dot] in)
# gcc try.c -o try
Do, or do not. There is no 'try'.
# find / foo -print
Looking? Found someone you have, I would say, hmm?
Wars not make one great.
# cd ~
Mudhole? Slimy? My home this is.
Oohhh. Jedi Master. Yoda. You seek Yoda.
# killall gcc
The boy has no patience.
Hmmm. Much anger in him, like his father.
# cat /etc/passwd
My own counsel will I keep
This one a long time have I watched. Never his mind on where he was.
# cd /usr/games
Hmph. Adventure. Heh! Excitement. Heh! A Jedi craves not these things.
# rm -f *
You are reckless!
# man force
Nothing more will I teach you today. Clear your mind of questions.
# lynx www.microsoft.com
That place...is strong with the dark side of the Force. A domain of evil it is. In you must go.
$ su root
Your weapons...you will not need them.
# rm -rf
Use the Force. Yes...
# alias dir=ls
No! No different! Only different in your mind. You must unlearn what you have learned.
# ls /bin
Old friends long gone.
# rmm -c;a
You must learn control.
# lynx www.slashdot.org
Friends you have there.
# exit You must complete the training.
You must not go!
Mind what you have learned. Save you it can.
Size matters not. Judge me by my size do you, hmmm?
(Submitted by Adam Hamm, ahamm [at] hsc [dot] vcu [dot] edu)
# reboot -n
That is why you fail.
# kill -9 <pid>
Anger leads to hate, hate leads to the dark side.
(Submitted by robertc [at] eaic [dot] com)