Yet Another Portal: SlashGrok
Fake News written by on Sunday, June 20, 1999
It may seem unthinkable, but every nerd eventually steps away from the glow of their CRT, heads outside into the bright sunshine, and embarks on a vacation. A trip to a beach paradise or a Linux exposition in a faraway place often means that a nerd must endure an extended period of time without Net access. Upon returning home, a nerd is inundated with megabytes of unread headlines and comments at Slashdot and other nerd watering holes. With so much raw information to wade through, what is a nerd to do?
The answer: SlashGrok.
A group of enterprising Dotheads has created what they call a "super-mega-meta-portal-weblog" website called SlashGrok. The site's motto, "We grok Slashdot so you don't have to", sums up the goal of this project: to condense megabytes of Slashdot headlines and material into a nice, short, sweet, simple, easy-to-read page.
"We've taken the idea behind Kernel Traffic and extended it to new heights," boasted one SlashGrokker. "Returning from a vacation can be a nerve-wracking experience. Think of all the information you have to wade through to catch up with the rest of the Geek Universe. Think of the slow adfu.blockstackers.com advertisements that take forever to load. Think of the morass of flame wars and "First comment!" posts that must be weeded out to find one or two gems of actually useful information. Think of all the time that is wasted grokking all of this new material. There has to be a better way. We think we've found it."
The SlashGrok contributors summarize all of the day's happenings on Slashdot into a single daily report. One of these daily reports looks something like this:
SlashGrok for June 18, 1999
"We Grok Slashdot So You Don't Have To!"
We analyzed 15 Slashdot articles containing 561 comments for a total of 742Kb. We ignored 13 "First comment!" posts, 15 obvious flame-bait posts, and 33 other posts devalued by the moderators to -1. Out of the remaining comments, we spotted 2 actually interesting posts. A total of 13 sites were hit with the Slashdot Effect during the day, causing 2 of them to crash as a direct result.
A question on the storage capacity of the human brain was posed. The most common response was "Will Linux ever be ported to the human brain?"...
You can run NetBSD on the iMac now (though why you would want to is an interesting question in itself)...
The first Apple I ever is up for sale but the question remains: "Does it run Linux?"
DivX is dead; like it wasn't a brain dead idea to start with...
VA Linux Systems is "Cool" according to those hipsters over at Fortune...
John Katz reviewed "Nudist on the Late Shift" but I have no idea what that is about...
"World domination: coming soon to a computer near you!"
"Every time I think that perhaps we are an advanced race, I turn around and read ramblings on Slashdot, and realize I was wrong."
We hope you enjoy SlashGrok.
While the SlashGrok service is only a week old, it has enjoyed tremendous success. The Dothead who first invented the SlashGrok idea said, "Our site, which makes use of two hot buzzwords, 'portal' and 'Weblog', is causing many Venture Capitalists to drool. I don't see how this site could possibly fail, unless all of us happened to take a vacation at the same time."