Jargon Coiner 1.0
Feature written by on Monday, July 12, 1999
Jargon Coiner is an irregular Humorix feature that aims to give you advance warning -- preferably before Tasty Bits from the Technology Front picks it up -- of new jargon that we've just made up. Sit back and enjoy some ficticious jargon that you won't see used anywhere else.
Loud expletive uttered when a Linux user comes face-to-face with a computer containing a WinModem.
Example: "Eric wincursed when his mother showed him the new computer she bought from CompUSSR... which contained a WinModem and a WinSoundCard."
- wind'oh! key
Nickname given to the three useless Windows keys that come on virtually all new keyboards. These keys are often hit by mistake instead of CTRL or ALT, causing the user to shout "D'oh!"
- de-wind'oh!ed keyboard
1. A new keyboard produced without any wind'oh! keys or a "Enhanced for Windows 95/98" logo. Extremely rare.
2. A keyboard in which the wind'oh! keys have been physically removed.
Accidentally posting two or more duplicate comments to Slashdot, usually as the result of hitting ENTER at the wrong time or fumbling with the Preview option.
- You've Got Slogan
The tendency for reporters to parody the stupid "You've Got Mail" saying when writing about AOL.
Example: "You've Got Spam", "You've Got Merger" (the headline for an article about the Netscape/AOL Merger From Hell)
Ongoing trend to slap a picture of Tux Penguin next to anything even remotely related to Linux.
Example: "Eric penguinized his Linux advocacy homepage."
Aimless surfing of the Internet; looking for something interesting to read while killing time. Often involves reloaded the Slashdot homepage every 5 minutes to see if a new article has been posted.
Arduous process of explaining why there's now a LILO boot prompt on the office computer.
Example: "John had some lilosplainin' to do after his boss turned on the computer and the Windows splash screen didn't appear."
- uptime downer
Depression that strikes a Linux sysadmin after his uptime is ruined. Can be caused by an extended power outtage, a pet chewing through the power cord, a lightning bolt striking the power line, or an urgent need to reboot into Windows to read a stupid Word document.
- OSTR (off-switch total recall)
The sudden recollection of something terribly important you need to do online that occurs exactly 0.157 seconds after you've shut down your computer.
- lexicon laziness
Filling a humor site with a list of fake jargon instead of publishing something more substantive (and funny) that would take more effort to write.
- free lecture
Attempting to explain the concepts of Linux, Open Source software, free software, and gift cultures to someone who is not familiar with them. Made extra difficult if the explainee has been misled by superficial mainstream news articles about the subject.
Example: "Eric gave an hour-long free lecture to his mother-in-law after she asked him about this Linux thingamajig she read about in USA Today."
- for(;;)tune loop
Repeatedly running fortune(6) for cheap entertainment.
Example: "During a coffee break, Bob became bored and started a for(;;)tune loop. His boss had to issue a SIGTERM to get him to resume working."
- duke of url
A person who publishes their Netscape bookmark file on their homepage.
- wwwlize (pronounced wuh-wuh-wuh-lize)
Habit of unconsciously appending www. in front of URLs, even when it's not necessary.
Common pronounciation of "double-u double-u double-u" when orally specifying a wwwlized address.
Hiding a particularly annoying advertising banner by dragging another window over it, or by placing your hand on the monitor to cover it up.
Example: "Bob advoided any Microsoft banners he came across."
- stop mirage
Trying to click on an imaginary Stop button on a program's toolbar after doing something you didn't want to. Usually caused as the result of excessive use of Netscape.
Putting "another" or "yet another" in front of a name or tacking "YA" in front of an acronym.
Example: "We could ya-prefix this article by titling it 'Yet Another Lame List of Fabricated Jargon'."
- TLDography (pronounced till-daw-graffy)
The study of top leval domains.
Example: "I asked my friend, a TLDographer, what country .ca stood for, and he responded, 'California, of course'."
- TLDofy (pronounced till-duh-fy)
Identifying a country by its top level domain.
Example: "Oh, so you're from .de? Sprechen Sie Deutsch?"
- html lapse
A period of time when the brain slips into thinking in HTML. "Eric suffered an html lapse when he said to himself, 'You <BLINK>idiot</BLINK>! <B>Olympia</B> is the capitol of <A HREF="http://www.state.wa.us">Washington State</A>, not Redmond! What a <I>stoopid</I> mistake!'"
- not-a-saltine explanation
The canned response given to someone who misuses the term "hacker" instead of "cracker".
- O'Reilly O'Writing
Going to a bookstore and copying down notes from an O'Reilly computer book that you can't afford.
- deep write mode
Similar to "deep hack mode", but applies to people writing editorials or (very rarely) Slashdot comments. We here at Humorix sometimes experience "deep humor mode".
- Editorial War
Skirmishes between two or more parties carried out via strongly-worded editorials published to sites like Slashdot, Linux Today, etc. ESR and RMS are frequently engaged in this.
- Star Spinoffs
Applying themes and ideas from "Star Wars" and "Star Trek" to contemporary events.
Examples: "Let the Source be with you!", "Microsoft is the Evil Empire", "Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated by Microsoft".
Giving a phrase special meaning by appending a trademark symbol to it.
Examples: "Humorix's Vast Spy Network(tm)", "Think Free Speech, Not Free Beer(tm)", "Real Soon Now(tm)", "Blue Screen of Death(tm)"
Referring to someone by the first letter of their three names. Used by some people (RMS and ESR), but not others (has anybody ever tried to refer to Linus Torvalds as "LBT"?).
- Rhymes With Cynics
The final answer to any debate about how to pronounce Linux. Of course, "cynics" might not be the best word to associate Linux with...
Using a service like Netcraft to determine what operating system and webserver a particular domain is running.
- WISL? (Will It Support Linux?)
The very first thought that springs into a Linux user's mind when a cool new piece of software or hardware is announced.
- JJMD! (Jar Jar Must Die!)
Meaningless reply given to a question or poll for which you don't have a good answer.
Example: "Q: When did you stop beating your wife? A: JJMD!"