One Year of Humorix
Feature written by on Sunday, July 25, 1999
It may seem hard to believe, but this Linux humor website has been online for a full 365 days. That's 8760 hours. 525,600 minutes. 31,536,000 seconds. 154 Microsoft acquisitions. 323 Internet Explorer exploits. 150,323 first posts on Slashdot. To mark this achievement, the Humorix staff has compiled a brief history of the Humorix Era.
July 25, 1998 (2:43 PM Central)
The very first Humorix article is published.
July 25, 1998 (3:58 PM Central)
A spam message advertising "SOFTWARE TO ELIMINATE ALL SPAM" is received in our newly created email@example.com address.
July 25, 1998 (4:12 PM Central)
We receive the first flame email from an irate reader complaining that our "Red Neck Linux" article is "offensive".
July 25, 1998 (5:10 PM Pacific)
Our newly organized Vast Spy Network(tm) reports that a lackey in Microsoft's legal department has already discovered the Humorix site and has sent a memo to her superiors about the possibility of naming us in a libel lawsuit.
August 14, 1998 (10:12 AM Central)
Humorix is hit with the dreaded Slashdot Effect in connection with our speculation that Microsoft might acquire Slashdot. As a result, our website hosting service suffers several thousands dollars worth of damage.
October 10, 1998 (11:39 PM Eastern)
Several underage drinkers are ticketed in Cape Cod, Massachusetts after they got drunk playing the Linux Drinking Game.
October 29, 1998 (4:12 AM Central)
We receive an email message in response to our article Could You Get Fired for Visiting Slashdot? It says, "...In my case, the opposite is true... you should ask 'Could You Get Hired for Visiting Slashdot?' I got my job at Proactive Synergy Paradigm, Inc. because I happened to mention Slashdot during a job interview. In fact, it was the only reason I was hired: I flubbed the interview horribly, but when I mentioned towards the end that I was a Slashdot addict, the interviewer said, 'You're hired!'..."
November 12, 1998 (1:15 PM Alaskan)
A phone call from the folks at CBS denies the rumors that Linus Torvalds is scheduled to appear on The Late Show. The caller casually mentions, "The show's writers like your 'Top Ten Changes If Linus Torvalds Achieves World Domination' idea. We might use a similar list on a show next week..."
The following Tuesday the Late Show featured this "similar" Top Ten List:
Top Ten Changes If Bill Gates Achieves World Domination
10. Instead of currency, all global wealth is measured in Microsoft stock shares.
9. New York is renamed to New Gates City, Los Angeles becomes Los Gatos, St. Louis is changed to St. Gates...
8. An illegal operation has occured in module TOPTEN~1.EXE. The program will be shut down...
December 5, 1998 (10:10 PM Central)
We receive a note from a Linux kernel hacker dismissing our speculation that /dev/null could erupt into a massive black hole as a result of all the bits sent to it over the last 30 years. "There's no cause for concern," he writes, "All bits sent to /dev/null are recycled back into the real world via /dev/urandom."
February 3, 1999 (4:14 PM Pacific)
Several dozen readers believe that our Slashdot Baiting Kit article is real, prompting them to call the ficticious 1-877-SLSH-DOT phone number. As it turns out, that number is owned by a law firm in Spokane, Washington called Slasher, Dot & Associates. Mike Slasher called to inform us that his business picked up considerably as a result of our fake article. Could this be the first documented case of the Humorix Effect?
March 3, 1999 (1:15 AM Siberian)
We publish a press release proclaiming that the Humorix website is officially a "portal". Within minutes a horde of Venture Capitalists line up outside of Humorix World Headquarters demanding to know more about our business plan.
P.S. When they realized that Humorix has no business plan, we were finally able to convince them not to give us any money.
April 2, 1999 (9:25 AM Pacific)
The producers of several anti-virus programs release patches to detect the presence of the Tuxissa Virus that Humorix
made up reported the week before.
April 2, 1999 (10:01 AM Central)
We receive word from one Linux advocate who said, "After I heard about the Tuxissa Virus, I had a brainstorm. I installed Linux on my wife's computer (replacing Windows), and when she asked what the hell was going on, I said with a straight-face, 'You've been hit with the Tuxissa Virus'. World Domination is one person closer..."
May 10, 1999 (12:12 AM Central)
In the article I Got Your Virtual Property Right Here!, James Baughn offers to sell his vintage #285 Slashdot account to the person who presents him a dollar figure containing "a whole bunch of zeros". He receives a bid for US$0.00000000000000000000000.
May 10, 1999 (4:12 PM Central)
A bid for US$1.0 x 10-114 is received. (The buyer stipulates that the final price will be rounded down to the nearest cent).
May 11, 1999 (10:43 AM Central)
A bid containing more zeros than electrons in the known universe is received. While this bid certainly tops all previous offers, James Baughn replies in a brief email, "I've changed my mind."
May 13, 1999 (1:55 AM Australian)
After publishing an article uncovering Australia's sinister plot to ban Linux, both alert Humorix regulars sent word that the Humorix website is no longer accessible in Australia.
May 24, 1999 (2:21 PM Central)
A representative for IDG Publishing calls and makes an offer to produce a "Portals for Dummies" book based on our Linux Portal Mini-HOWTO. We decline the offer.
May 26, 1999 (5:51 PM Greenwich)
The professor of CNT 136 at Centralia College announces that all students that visit the Humorix website will receive extra credit.
July 9, 1999 (1:34 PM Central)
The founder of the BloatX Project sent us an email containing some corrections to our article Bloatware Comes To Linux. The name of the new Linux distro is actually BlooooooooooooooaatX. The final version will come on 24 CD-ROMs, not 20, and it will occupy a total of 20.2 Gb.
July 25, 1999 (10:29 PM Central)
The Humorix staff publishes a brief history of Humorix as a lame filler.