Humorix IPO Delayed
Fake News written by on Monday, July 26, 1999
Humorix's IPO suffered a minor setback yesterday when a group of bureaucrats from the Securities and Exchange Commission visited Humorix World Headquarters and spoiled our First Anniversary party. The SEC has found "irregularities" in our prospectus, causing the IPO to be delayed until July 30th.
Miles Clinton, one of the SEC representatives, enumerated some of the "irregularities" contained in our S-1 filing:
- We failed to cross five T's and dot two I's.
- Section 13, Sub-Section 'C', Sub-Sub-Section 3, Paragraph 2, Sentence 4 contains a typo. "Domenation" is mispelled in the sentence "We plan to use the IPO proceeds to fund our plans for World Domenation..."
- Our claim that the Humorix PORTAL Web site "has received a 512% increase in traffic over the last ten months" is wrong according to the SEC. One bureaucrat said, "That statistic is meaningless since, at the time, Humorix had only been online for 10 months." He added, "We could claim that the number of trees killed to produce SEC paperwork has increased by 1,044,619% over the last 200 years, but such a statement is also meaningless and wrong."
- In the statement "We plan to issue US$129.95 worth of common stock..." we accidentally left out the word "million" after the dollar amount.
- The "Expenses" section under the heading "Summary Financial Data" fails to include several items including "Electricity", "Air Conditioning for Humorix World Headquarters", "Internet Access & Telco Monopoly Charges", "Slashdot Addict Support Group Donations", and "Beer & Snack Foods Supply". As a result, Humorix's actual net loss is US$10,253.62.
- We forgot to mention that the term Big Evil Company® is a registered trademark of Microsoft Corporation. Moreover, we failed to state that Microsoft® is also a registered trademark of Microsoft Corporation. In addition, we omitted the disclaimer that the phrase Fair Use Doctrine® is a registered trademark of the United States Patent & Trademark Office.
- The NASDAQ ticker symbol that we applied for, FAKE, has already been taken by another low-budget humor portal. After considering other options like HMRX, DUH, BSOD, and SEGV, we've finally decided to use the symbol FAUX.
The SEC has given us the green light to hold our IPO as soon as we re-file our prospectus with the requisite changes. Our current schedule to hold the IPO on July 30th will give us plenty of time to execute our Humorix IPO Astroturf Plan.
Even with SEC approval, not everybody is happy about the Humorix IPO. One Wall Street Journal columnist wrote last week, "A low-budget Linux humor website is holding a million-dollar IPO? This must be some kind of hoax... I checked government records... there is no such corporation as Humorix World Domination, Inc. There is no Vast Spy Network(tm) or fleet of Humorix Spy Satellites. Humorix World Headquarters, as far as I can tell, is a small outhouse in the Ozarks. This is obviously a hoax."
Nevertheless, both regular Humorix visitors are enthusiastic about the IPO. They have received special invitations from E*Raid Securities to participate in the IPO at the opening price ($10). One said, "Hopefully I'll make enough money to afford a new shrinkwrapped copy of Red Hat Linux 6.0..."