The Slashdot Conspiracy!

Fake News written by humorix.pl on Thursday, July 29, 1999

from the mexican-food dept.

[Editor's Note: An anonymous member of our Vast Spy Network(tm) sent us this exclusive report alleging that Slashdot® is actually an elaborate conspiracy sponsored by Lucasfilms® and the ultra-secret WORLD(tm) Organization (WORLD Organizes Rapid Linux Domination).]


Subject: URGENT: Slashdot Conspiracy Uncovered!!!!
From: Vast Spy Network(tm) Operative #412A-9X
To: Humorix World Headquarters: Espionage & Mind Control Division
Date: July 28, 1999
X-Transport-Protocol: RFC 1149
X-Transmeta: This report contains no typso.

Sir,

Project "Taco Crunch" has been successful. I and my assistants have been able to infiltrate the "Geek Compound" in Holland, MI to discover the truth about Slashdot. Summarized below are the results of our investigation.

In 1995, "Operation The Whole Enchilada", a conspiracy sponsored by George Lucas and the WORLD Organization, was launched. The purpose: to hype SW:Episode 1 and to promote Linux World Domination by establishing a "News for Nerds" new media website capable of brainwashing unsuspecting visitors.

Some quick facts

  • The recent acquisition of Slashdot by Andover News was a shrewd move to hide the conspiracy behind the front of a media company[1]. Only a handful of employees at Andover are aware of Whole Enchilada.

  • "Rob Malda" (aka "CmdrTaco", "Taco Boy", "Numero Uno Dothead") is really a Perl script that simulates Slashdot articles, comments, email responses, and other online interactions. A Lucasfilms employee code-named "AstroTaco" plays CmdrTaco at Linux conventions and other meatspace events.

  • "Hemos" and "sengan" are simulated by a team of Lucasfilms marketers[2].

  • All other Slashdot contributors are real people who are unaware of the conspiracy. Plausible deniability at its finest.

  • The many articles hyping Star Wars came directly from the Lucasfilms marketing department.

  • Jon Katz's negative article about Star Wars hype was an unexpected disaster. Since then, Jon Katz has been replaced by a Lucas-friendly Perl script (which explains why the writing quality of "his" commentaries have improved). The real Jon Katz was deported to Argentina and hasn't been heard from since[3].

  • The recent Jar Jar bashing was only allowed by Lucasfilms to quiet (unbrainwashed) critics who were complaining that Slashdot had too much SW hype.

  • Operation The Whole Enchilada is headquartered at the "Geek Compound" in Holland. Last week I was able to break into the building (the front door was unlocked). Among other things, I found two books entitled "Idiot's Guide to Astroturf Campaigns" and "World Domination for Dummies".

  • The "Slashdot Effect" is sleight-of-hand employed by WORLD to make Slashdot seem much more popular than it really is. Sites mentioned on Slashdot are simultaneously hit from thousands of WORLD/Lucasfilms computers scattered across the world in a bizarre "Astroturf Denial-Of-Service Attack".

In conclusion, The Whole Enchilada conspiracy has been wildly successful (except perhaps for the foolish idea to base SW:TPM around Jar Jar Binks, but that's another Lucasfilms conspiracy altogether).

Footnotes

[1] This explains why the dollar amount paid to "CmdrTaco" in the Andover "acquisition" was such a guarded secret.

[2] This fact is supported by the recent Slashdot comment that Hemos is "really written by a team of marketdroids". This comment was probably posted by mistake as a result of a bug in CmdrTaco.pl.

[3] The WORLD Organization has powerful contacts within the Federal Government.

---

Yours in World Domination,

Operative #412A-9X

P.S. Jar Jar Must Die!

P.P.S. I've heard that Humorix is about to have an IPO. Do members of the Vast Spy Network(tm) get stock options? Use of initialized value in line 2614 of humorix.pl.

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