Linux Ported To Zangelding

Fake News written by James Baughn on Saturday, September 18, 1999

from the i-dont-think-i-get-the-joke dept.

According to a Usenet post on alt.linux.zangelding, a group of Linux hackers have successfully ported Linux to Zangelding after six months of effort. "It was quite a difficult endeavor," said one Zangelding Linux programmer. "Zangelding is very, very cool, but it's a wee bit hard to program for. Not as bad as an Intel 8088 with 64KB of RAM, though."

Version 1.0 of the full Zangelding Linux (Zanix) distribution should be available for download next week. Zanix will include Zangelding-enhanced versions of Netscape 4.61, The Gimp, and StarOffice. El Cheapo*Bytes is expected to offer Zanix bundled with a "Zangelding for Dummies" book for US$14.95. In addition, a GNU/HURD port (code-named ZangHURDing) and a FreeBSD port (FreeZang) are underway and should be available before Y2K.

Zangelding is expected to become a US$2.3 billion industry by the end of the year. Zangelding consultants are demanding salaries of over US$100,000 per year. "I've never seen anything like it," said Eric Hokes, CEO of Zangelding Dot Com, a Zangelding consulting firm. "We're signing dozens of Zangelding consulting and support contracts with companies like General Motors and Wal-Mart every day. Now that Linux is Zangelding Compatible(tm), I'm expecting profits to soar even more. Our IPO next month is set to yield $125 million."

As a sign of Zangelding's growing popularity, nearly 500 people showed up at the first meeting of the Silicon Valley Zangelding Users Group yesterday. Newly elected SVZUG President Bob Van Gelder gave a keynote speech, "Just What The Heck Is Zangelding?" in which he explained, "Zangelding is a revolutionary Open Source, trans-dimensional, energy-efficient, meta-physical, post-post-modern, buzzword-compliant paradigm built on post-Einsteinian physics, the Griffin-Smith-Kerblutz multi-hypertext retrieval algorithms, the Herzen-Farrow higher-order sub-transform of the Mandelbrot Fractal, and Greenian meta-temporal analysis."

Zangelding is a relatively new concept that you may not be aware of, so we at Humorix have done some research and collected the following Web resources that might prove helpful in explaining more about Zangelding:

  • LDP's Zangelding mini-HOWTO, explains how to set up Zangelding and install the Zanix distro. (This document was not online at press time, but is expected to be completed soon).

  • ZangDot, a "News for Zangelders" website based on the Slashdot codebase

  • "Get Rich Quick from Zangelding", a spam email sent to millions of people by a multi-level marketing firm called "ZanGOLD, Inc."

  • Zangelding Success Stories, a collection of case studies on how Zangelding has improved productivity and reduced costs at such companies as McDonalds, Northwest Airlines, and Exxon.

  • An Ad-Hoc Study of Greenian Meta-Temporal Analysis, a doctoral thesis written by James Bradshaw of the University of Missouri-Rolla about the mathematical underpinnings of the Zangelding universe. (Page was unavailable at press time due to a server upgrade.)

  • Zangelding, A Way to a Better Life, a personal Zangelding fan page by Marko Kovanen

  • The Official Zangelding Homepage, supposedly the official home of Zangelding. However, you'd think that the people behind such a revolutionary paradigm as Zangelding could create a more professional looking page.

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