Windows 2000 Rumors

Fake News written by Daniel Pfeiffer on Thursday, October 28, 1999

from the the-acronyms-are-merely-coincidental dept.

Microsoft developers are working on a revolutionary virtual 2000?2000 resolution which will be the only resolution available for all platforms from PDAs to workstations. This will be realized by calculating the value of each physical pixel from the weighted average of the virtual pixels that (partly) map to it. This will happen on the fly, with subsequent anti-aliasing to smoothe rough edges. The result is then enhanced to give more contrast and gaudier colours. The engine for this is called Windows 2000 eXtension For Rendering Electroshock Elegantly at 86 (64 + 8.3 + B[ill]) km/h, also called XFree86®.

Internet Explorer 2000 is being enhanced with a module called The Graphical Integrated Magnification Processor, The GIMP®. Its purpose is to automatically magnify all pages containing a best-viewed-with-IE-at-800?600 type of icon to take full advantage of this fantastic new resolution. The icon is replaced with the builtin only-viewable-with-Windows-2000 icon. The GIMP module is also used to display legacy applications for DOS 3 to NT 4 at the new resolution.

Pages containing a best-viewed-with-Netscape type of icon are processed by the Link Inversion Network Update eXtender, Linux®, module. This automatically redirects to the Microsoft website. (To avoid unfair trade practice complaints this can be turned off by editing the registry entry BeautifyNetscapePages in the Internet Explorer section to "NoWay!!!" and confirming that this will void the warranty. In that case the page will be shown in a 640?400 frame without scrollbars and the Microsoft website in the other frames.)

To increase the acceptance for Windows 2000, Microsoft has opted for the open source distribution model. This means that the source, i.e. the online shop at the Microsoft website, will be open on a 24/7 basis (guaranteed no more than 7 server-failures a day thanks to Back End Orifice Wolfpack Upset Lessening Factor, Beowulf®). However due to remaining Y2K problems, as well as alignment errors when running on the future DaimlerChrysler Mercedes IA2000 Processor, the release of Windows 2000 is rumored by Bill Gates as being unlikely before 2nd quarter 1901.

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