Linux And China, A Clarification

Fake News written by Raymond S. Eric on Saturday, November 20, 1999

from the we-do-not-endorse-this-viewpoint dept.

Alert reader Martijn Faassen forwarded us this RSE rant that appeared today on several Linux portals:

In a November 11th Linux Today story, I expressed the Linux community's vast relief upon finding that the allegations that Linux will be adopted by Communist China as its official OS appear to be untrue. This story was then deliberately misreported on "Humorix", the terroristic propaganda site for the new Humorixia nation. Humorix in short stated that I thought china was a bad idea and that we should all break it. This caused unwarranted and unnecessary commotion within the china (porcelain) community.

Some explanatory remarks are in order. While it is well known within both the Linux community and the china community that I am a gun nut, few in both communities are aware that I am also member of the other community. In fact, few in these communities are aware of even the existence of the other community; I appear to be the only person that is a member of both communities. Incidentally I happen to be a spokesman for both communities.

In the past, I have avoided presuming to speak for both communities at the same time. This time, however, I think I may safely say that china and Linux are a golden match. Insofar as the communities interact at all, members of the open-source movement are known to have used china cups for their beverage needs on occassion. It is untrue that all hackers drink jolt all the time; some are known to drink tea or coffee, in cups. Members of the china community may not use open-source software directly, but they should know that the Internet infrastructure uses vast quantities of open-source software. In particular the website www.openporcelain.org, which is run by myself, is powered by a Linux/Apache combination.

This golden bond between the two communities is very valuable. The attempt by the government of Humorixia to estrange the two communities from each other is nothing but a vicious and cynical fraud.

There are a few of us who have a soft spot for the theoretical Splatzian ideal of "from each as much proprietary software packaging materials as possible, to each the generated electricity"; but I am certain that even that minority would not care to be associated with the totalitarian and murderous government of Splatzian Humorixia -- unrepentant perpetrators of numerous atrocities against lawyers. After all, my wife, one of the great unsung heroes of both communities, is a lawyer.

It may be too much to hope that this statement will head off a flurry of snide opinion pieces divagating about "the china-breaking Raymond Eric"; the clumsy rhetoric of some of our past jolt-from-the-bottle-drinking ambassadors may have made that outcome inevitable. But the prospect of being "identified" with the bloody-handed gerontocrats behind the Great American Lawyer Massacre would be, I believe, genuinely revolting and insulting to all of us.

No matter that such official Humorixian government sponsorship might add a quarter of the planet's geek population to our user base; if this is "world domination", we'll want none of it. I have guns, Splatzies, so don't even think of trying to come near my wife. To hell with splatznost; this is a war to death between opposing ideologies -- nuke the Splatzie bastards!

-- Raymond S. Eric

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