Microsoft Acquires Red Hat

Fake News written by Bernhard Rosenkraenzer on Thursday, December 9, 1999

from the winlinux-here-we-come dept.

REDMOND, WA -- Microsoft stock surged 86% earlier today on rumors that the company had acquired Red Hat, Corel, and SuSE. Ziff-Davis was the first to publish the rumors in the story, "Pigs Are Flying: Microsoft Acquires Linux Companies". MSNBC quickly followed suit with their article, "Bill Gates Will Feast On Cooked Penguin Tonight".

However, both news agencies were forced to retract their sensational stories after it was discovered (thanks in part to Humorix's Vast Spy Network(tm)) that the rumors were greatly exaggerated. Bill Gates did indeed purchase Red Hat... or rather, a nice bright red fedora at a fashion store in Redmond. And, he did purchase two gifts for his daughter: a piece of coral from the Pacific, and a Dr. Seuss book.

In a retraction posted reluctantly by Ziff-Davis, the reporter states, "One of my well-placed sources inside Microsoft called me and said that Bill Gates had just acquired a red hat, some coral, and a Seuss book. The connection wasn't very clear, so I thought he said that Bill Gates had acquired Red Hat, Corel, and SuSE..."

At the height of the maelstrom Taco Boy demonstrated his journalistic integrity by posting an article titled "HOLY SHIT! ITS THE END OF THE WORLD!!!!!!!" on Slashdot, generating upwards of 850 comments within an hour. The responses ranged from "First post! I rule!" (Score 2, Funny) to "I told you Red Hat was like Microsoft" (Score 5, Insightful) to "Did anybody actually read the press release that Microsoft just issued? Bill Gates purchased a red hat, not the company!" (Score -1, Flamebait)

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