Humorixia Nation Founded

Fake News written by Jon Splatz on Friday, December 17, 1999

from the Preventing-The-Lawyerclysm dept.

The red tape has been cut, the T's have been crossed and the I's dotted. It's official. Humorixia -- the island paradise in the Pacific built for geeks by geeks -- is now an officially recognized independent nation-state by the United Nations. The day for revolution against the oppressive regime of lawyercrats and ultra-Capitalists is at hand.

For the revolution to succeed, however, we need your help. We need people to man the waste-to-energy power plants, to staff our Vast Spy Network(nontm), to grow food in our hydroponics farms, to mine precious metals from the sides of volcanic Mt. Coredump, to administer the nation's computer systems and cryptographic data havens. Most of all, we need people to defend the ideals of Humorixia and fight for the rights of the common man against the bourgeois class of greedy middlemen, of evil lawyers.

Citizenship is free (think free speech and free beer... especially free beer) to those who qualify. If you love freedom, and individual rights, and the spirit of voluntary sharing, then apply for Citizenship. Agree to the liberal terms of the General Social License and become an official Citizen of the World's first true meritocracy with the underlying philosophy, "No Lawyers, No Microsoft, No Bullshit". If, however, you hold a Law Degree, or have ambitions to enter the so-called legal "profession", then you need not apply.

You can apply for Citizenship from the comfort of your own browser within minutes. Simply post a comment to the Humorixia Grand Message Board stating your intention to join this nation, along with a brief essay on why lawyers are evil (or, if you prefer, a juicy lawyer joke), and you shall become a Citizen, with all of the Rights, Privileges, and Responsibilities enumerated in the General Social License.

Humorixia is based on a set of beliefs and principles designed to eliminate the injustices that occur in traditional lawyer-centric societies. Tossing all modesty out the window, I am calling these ideas the "Splatzian Doctrine" and codifying them in my soon-to-be-published book, "Unleashing Your Inner Pundit". (This book, licensed under my new OpenPundit License, will be provided to all new Humorixia Citizens.)

The Splatzian Doctrine is based on these five tenets:

  1. The laws and regulations of a government should be 'Open Source'.
  2. Intellectual property laws should be as minimal as possible.
  3. Society, politics, and the legal system should be structured so as to eliminate any need for lawyers.
  4. Democracy is obsolete; government should be operated as a meritocracy.
  5. Individual rights should not be abridged without a damn good reason.

Guided by these five principles, Humorixia shall triumph against the hordes of lawyers that have oppressed the rest of society for centuries long. The days of frivolous lawsuits, pork-barrel government spending, totalitarian governments, and stifling intellectual property laws are over. The Revolution is at hand. Will you join it?

Rate this story

No votes cast


Vaguely related stories