Microsoft Releases Office 2005 Poll Results
Fake News written by on Tuesday, February 29, 2000
REDMOND, WA -- At a press conference held earlier today, Microsoft announced the results of a poll about Office 2005. Microsoft polled 2,058 people (most of whom were Microsoft employees) if they would like the ability to kill roaches put into Office 2005.
43% of those polled said they would definitely like to be able to squish roaches with the upcoming product, 51% said it would be an OK feature, 2% were nature types that were against killing roaches, and 4% said it was a bad idea.
Upon further investigation, it was found that those 4% were actualy zealots of alternative operating systems, most of whom stated "What the $%*& are you talking about! That would be just another bloated feature!" However, Microsoft labled them fools, since obviously the masses want to squish roaches with just a click of the mouse.
Dubbed "DirectSquish", the new patent pending feature is expected to add 300 gigabytes to the installation and an extra three years of development, thus pushing back Office 2005's release date to sometime in 2008. The extra bloat will hardly be a problem, one Microsoft offical said, since "we'll all have three terabyte hard drives by then anyway".