Microsoft Concealed Feature May Damage Windows PCs On April 6th

Fake News written by Nick Sandru on Saturday, April 1, 2000

from the shattered-windows dept.

For immediate release

1. Introduction

The AFDERT has received recently a report from a source inside Microsoft regarding a secret feature that has been included in all PCs with preinstalled Windows sold after the US Department of Justice (DoJ) filed a lawsuit against Microsoft for violating the antitrust legislation.

There is strong evidence supporting the possibility that this report has been leaked intentionally by Microsoft in advance of the April 6th deadline for an agreement between Microsoft and the DoJ. It is believed that Microsoft intends to use this secret feature to impose their terms on the DoJ.

2. Description of the problem

The report claims that the secret feature, tagged by AFDERT as 'BabyPC', is capable of splitting a Windows PC into its components. It can be activated by signals sent from Redmond, WA, should Microsoft be forced to split into "BabySofts".

According to the report the 'BabyPC' feature, when activated, causes the following sequence of events:

  • The screws holding the PC's cover are expelled violently.

  • The cover, the motherboard, the disk drives and the power supply are separated from the chassis.

  • The add-on PC boards (I/O controller, video display interface, sound inteface and so on) are thrown from the motherboard.

  • The socket-mounted components, including the processor, are expelled from the their sockets.

  • The keyboard and the mouse disintegrate and keys, buttons and other parts are thrown in all directions.

After the split the PC can be reassembled and can even become functional again at a lower performance level if enough parts can be retrieved.

3. Impact

The PC ceases to function and its operator is exposed to the risk of beeing hit by flying debris. The 'BabyPC' feature is likely to cause widespread disruptions affecting all aspects of modern life. The hospitals' emergency services might be overwhelmed by the many casualties caused by 'BabyPC'

4. Computers affected

Any PC with preinstalled Windows 98, 2000 or NT delivered after the DoJ vs. Microsoft lawsuit started in 1998

5. Protection

The best protection is to switch to another operating system, such as Linux. The 'BabyPC' feature requires the Internet Exploder for activation.

Alternatively, if you are forced to use Microsoft Windows, you may protect yourself by taking the following measures:

  • Solder all socket-mounted components on their sockets.

  • Weld the power supply on the chassis.

  • Replace the cover with 1/2" steel plates welded on the chassis.

  • Put something heavy (for example a set of Unix manuals) on your keyboard.

  • Don a bulletproof vest, protection goggles and a motorcycle helmet if you have to work with your PC on the 6th of April.

  • Move your PC away from your home. Do not place it near nuclear power plants, oil reffineries, ammunition depots or other similar sites. Recomended places are the Nevada test range, the Semipalatinsk nuclear test area in Kazakhstan and the Bikini atol in the Pacific.

This alert has been brought to you by:
April Fools' Day Emergency Response Team

Rate this story

No votes cast