Rob Malda Buys Mir Space Station
Fake News written by on Monday, April 10, 2000
In a suprising move yesterday, Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda announced that he and the rest of the Slashdot crew had purchased the Russian Space Station Mir for a mere $5,000,000. A firestorm broke out on Slashdot shortly afterwards, with people roasting each other alive in the debate as to why Taco Boy had bought the aging space station.
In the live episode of "Geeks in Space" that ran shortly after the purchase, Rob said that, "with all of the money we got from VA Linux and Andover for selling out to them, we were able to contact the Russian Space Agency and offer them a few million for the thing." When asked why he bought the station, Rob only said, "Well, look at it this way... we need a way to defend ourselves from the Krul invasion... or we could broadcast Geeks in Space from space. Hmmm... an orbiting Mexican restaurant might be nice. Actually, we don't really know what we're gonna do with it."
Humorix contacted the Russian government to see if we could get any additional info. In particular, we wanted to know about the low 5 million dollar price tag and, more importantly, if the Russians would still accept a higher bid. Humorix stock rose 5/8 points yesterday, so now we've got money to burn. We already have a fleet of spy satellites. A space station, no matter how run-down, would be a nice addition.
We spoke with RSA Director Vladimir Chenkov, who flatly stated that the deal had already been made and that we were out of luck. He did mention that Iridium might still be for sale cheap, though. When we asked why Russian had been so quick to sell Mir, he answered, "You see, we had this worthless piece of [Russian expletive] floating in space. When some American idiot... er, buyer, was interested in acquiring it, we didn't hesitate. Five million dollars might seem like a bargain to Mr. Malda, but we'll be able to use the windfall to pay our salaries this year. Our employees will be happy to see a paycheck."
Comments on Slashdot ranged from "HAHA! Taco Boy is an idiot for buying that piece of *%$#! (Score: -1, Flamebait)" to "How does he think he's gonna get to Mir? It's not like the Geek Compound has a launch pad... or does it? (Score: 2, Insightful)" to "You fools! Haven't you seen the list of people signing up for rides? I swear I saw some GNUist party members in there! It's part of their conspiracy! (Score: -100, Paranoid [There Is No Conspiracy])"
Immediately after the announcement rumors circulated that Microsoft intended to launch a nuclear missile at Mir from their subterranean Redmond command center. We suspect this rumor is false. After all, Microsoft's command center is located in the Nevada desert, not Redmond.