Last Independent Linux Site Sold To Commercial Interests
Fake News written by on Tuesday, July 4, 2000
During the past year, the founders of Linux websites have been getting rich by selling their sites to commercial interests stuffed with Venture Capital. We here at Humorix were the last holdout -- until today. VA Linux, hot on the heels of acquiring the last two-letter Top Level Domain, announced today that they had acquired Humorix, the last independent Linux portal site, for an undisclosed sum of US$10,000,000,000 (oh, that was supposed to be undisclosed... Oops!).
Humorix is to be merged with Slashdot to create a new mega-portal site, called Slashdotix. With a motto of "Fake news for nerds. Stuff that would matter if it were true", the new site is the logical continuation of Slashdot. As part of the merger, Jon Katz will be fired in favor of Jon Splatz and Roblimo will be demoted to limosine driver for James Taco.
Said one head honcho at VA Linux, "Slashdot has always been accused of running unconfirmed rumors or obviously false articles. With this strategic partnership, that's no longer a problem, because everything will be fake. Of course, some idiot will probably start posting 'Hey, this article is true!' comments, but those can be safely ignored."
The community doesn't seem all that thrilled about the merger. Said Mr. A. Coward, Slashdot's most famous and active poster, while pouring a bowl of hot grits down his pants, "Darn! Now I won't be able to score first posts stating that the article needs better research! What am I going to do now?" He then added coyly, "Oh, by the way, First Interview!"
During the last month, VA Linux has acquired two dozen remaining Linux sites ranging from YetAnotherLinuxNewbieSite.org to PenguinPorn.com to even the Linux Kernel Mailing List itself. They also host a huge percentage of Open Source projects on SourceForge. "Who says you can't make money from Open Source?" asked one VA Linux executive. "Let's just hope a killer backhoe doesn't take out our SourceForge Net backbone connection, or else free software development would halt..."
Other IPO-rich companies such as Internet.com and Red Hat have been busy snatching up Linux properties as well. "Back in the bad old days," explained one industry observer, "everybody wanted to launch a start-up and then sell out to Microsoft for beaucoup bucks. Now the hot strategy is to create a Linux website and sell-out to VA Linux or Internet.com within a month. Man I love this new economy!"