World Domination, One CPU Cycle At A Time
Fake News written by on Monday, July 31, 2000
Forget about searching for alien signals or large prime numbers. The real distributed computing application of the year is "Domination@World", a program to advocate Linux and Apache to every single website in the world that uses Windows and IIS.
The goal of the project is to probe every IP number to determine what kind of platform each Net-connected machine is running. "That's a tall order... we need lots of computers running our Domination@World clients to help probe every nook and cranny of the Net," explained Mr. Zell Litt, the project leader.
After the probing is complete, the second phase calls for the data to be cross-referenced with the InterNIC whois database. "This way we'll have the names, addresses, and phone numbers for every Windows-using system administrator on the planet," Zell gloated. "That's when the fun begins."
The "fun" part involves LART (Linux Advocacy & Re-education Training), a comprehensive program for extreme advocacy. As part of LART, each Linux User Group will receive a list of the Windows-using weenies in their region. The LUG will then be able to employ various advocacy techniques, ranging from a soft-sell approach (sending the target a free Linux CD in the mail) all the way to "LARTcon 5" (cracking into their system and forcibly installing Linux).
We asked another Domination@Home leader about the moral and privacy implications of their project. "There's certainly some ethical dilemmas with this," he admitted. "But that hasn't stopped the FBI from using Carnivore to build dossiers on people they suspect could be national security risks. Meanwhile, we'll be using Domination@Home to build dossiers on people who represent network security risks since their servers run Windows. So what's the difference?"