Message From The Future: The MCAA Sucks!

Fake News written by Timm Murray on Tuesday, August 15, 2000

from the yet-another-big-evil-corporation-to-fight dept.

ROSWELL, GEORGIA -- The Anomolous Sewage Lagoon #5 continues to spit out items from the future. Everything from kitchen sinks to neural implants have found their way through this space-time singularity. Now we know why.

Yesterday we received a small device that our Humorix Research Lab Of Doom is calling a "trancendental anti-light temporal filtering beam receptor". Those labcoat-wearing dweebs can call it any name they want. But it's really just a glorified fax machine -- except that it spits out material from the year 2022.

Now we've seen the future... and it's patented.

Somebody living the future has gone to a lot of trouble to warn us about what's going to happen. Or maybe I should say, "might happen". Or whatever. The English language just doesn't handle time-travel issues very well.

Slashdot will become yet another corporatized portal belonging to the ABC-NBC-CBS-Yahoo-AOL-MSN Media Conglomerate, Inc. formed in 2004. Ironically, it will be Jon Katz who causes Slashdot.com to be dominated by Pointy Haired Bosses. Meanwhile, Kuro5hin, which will recover from its DDoS attack sometime in 2003, will then become the de facto watering hole for geeks, nerds, hackers, and geek-wannabes.

But the demise of Slashdot isn't what our Anonymous Coward From The Future is worried about. His beef is with the MCAA, of the Matter Control Association of America. In 2015, patents will be issued on the emerging field of matter replication. Several large companies will "invest" in some Senators, and before long Congress will enact a law that extends copyright protection to matter patterns. Within two years the MCAA will control the entire industry.

Richard M. Stallman will publish the GPPL (GNU Physical Public License) and commission the YAM Project (YAM Ain't Matter) to create a collection of free-speech matter patterns. The project will succeed at first with its GNU/Steak pattern (described as "tasty but hard to chew"), but eventually it will bog down when GNU matter-hackers become embroiled in a GNU/Cola vs. GNU/Coffee flamewar.

Kuro5hin will quickly become the focal point for anti-MCAA protests. One group of hackers will create "Mnapster", a peer-to-peer network for sharing matter patterns copyrighted by the MCAA. Slogans like "Computational algorithms representing material objects want to be free!" and "Think free speech, not free beer patterns!" will become commonplace on Kuro5hin. (But not Slashdot.com, where every anti-MCAA post will be labelled, "Score -5, Communistic Troll Who Doesn't Support Capitalism".)

It should come as no surprise that the MCAA will hire an army of lawyers that exceeds the entire population of Rhode Island. These attorneys will then file charges against all Mnapster users under the "Won't Somebody Please Think Of The Shareholders? Act of 2017", which makes copyright infringement a crime punishable by Chinese water torture.

The Kuro5hin community will react by spearheading the "Open Wormhole Project" to send warnings and matter patterns into the past in the hopes of rewriting history. It seems to be working. Thanks to the terraforming device that Humorix received from the future, we were able to create the independent island nation of Humorixia.

And we're not finished yet.

Stay tuned to this unfolding plot-line as we continue to make up the details.

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