Crashback: Karma, Portals, Licenses

Feature written by James Baughn on Wednesday, September 20, 2000

from the digging-through-the-archives dept.

News publications often issue corrections or retractions when they run an article that turns out to be false. Likewise, we here at Humorix are forced to issue corrections when a fake news article we ran turns out to be true. That's the purpose of Crashback, a new feature in which we provide updates for old fake news articles.

Any resemblance between this column and a particular Slashdot feature are merely coincidental. At least that's what our lawyer told us to say.

ICANN't Believe It

Recently we "announced" that every two-letter TLD had been sold to commercial interests. We labeled that article as "fake news", but it's slowly becoming true. We apologize for the confusion.

The Heard and McDonald Islands -- which have no population, no home government, and certainly no DNS servers -- have been granted their own Top Level Domain, .hm. And now this domain joins the swelling ranks of country-code TLDs that are now controlled by Big Evil Companies.

We're outraged. Some worthless Australian possessions in the south Pacific get their own TLD, but Humorixia -- that sovereign geek paradise sitting within international waters -- gets squat. When the Revolution(tm) occurs, all of the people responsible for the current shoddy state of the DNS system will... well, we'll think of something creative.

Karma == Kash

Last year, Humorix broke the fake news that Slashdot regulars were selling their karma-enriched user accounts on eBay for a tidy profit. It's no longer fake news. Some Dothead with the nick of "FascDot Killed My Pr" has placed his virtual property on the eBay auction block.

The bidding is up to US$112.50 on 18 bids, all of which are probably fake. It's hard to imagine anybody -- except perhaps for a retired dotcom billionaire -- would spend that much beer money on something that has no intrinsic value. After all, it would take all of 3 microseconds for Taco Boy to reduce your karma to -10,000,000. Or to increase the karma of all his friends so they can sell their own accounts for big bucks.

Good Move, Linus

Everyone's favorite "conniving bastard" announced that the Linux kernel would only be licensed under the GNU GPL version 2.0 and not any later version. Clearly, this move is designed to prevent Microsoft from acquiring Open Source by way of a "Grossly Private License version 3.0", a calamity we "reported" on earlier.

Does this mean Linus reads Humorix? Well, no, probably not.

No Longer The Worst Portal

Last year we noted that Google.com listed Humorix as the number one result for "worst portal". This is the only real news we've ever published -- and it later turns out to be false. We've been beaten by something called "Portal Of Evil" (no, it's not AOL) and two other irrelevent sites, leaving Humorix as the fourth worst portal.

Obviously, we're not happy about this lower ranking. Hopefully, by using the term "worst portal" numerous time in this article, we can regain our rightful place on Google. We're also working on securing top placement for other queries including "crappy portal", "money-making portal", and "worst website".

Life Imitates Humorix

Of course, some would quibble with the idea that Humorix could be compared to "art". But we do have a knack for predicting the future:

Does MS barcoding of Windows licences make piracy easier?

vs.

Microsoft's Anti-Piracy Policy Promotes Piracy

and

IT Olympics

vs.

The First Annual Nerdbowl

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