Humorix Employees Go On Strike!
Fake News written by on Monday, October 16, 2000
HUMORIX WORLD HEADQUARTERS -- Shouting "Hell no we won't code" and "Show us the money!", the entire staff of Humorix, including the Vast Spy Network(tm), went on strike earlier today.
"We're sick and tired of this crap," said G. E. Trich, Humorix's Investor Relations Liason & Executive Book Cooker. "We work long hours for no pay. It's just not fair!"
Humorix owner James Baughn didn't seem very concerned about the whole affair. "Finally, something I can write about!" he exclaimed. "After suffering from writer's block for the last three weeks, I'll finally be able to publish something."
The Union Of Pipe-Fitters, Air Conditioning Repairmen, and Fake News Humorists Chapter #423 has agreed to participate in the strike, sending in dozens of people to picket in front of the ten-story World Headquarters building.
While at the picket line, Humorix lawyer Noah Morals announced, "We're not going back to work until our demands are met. First, the coffee machine in the third-floor lounge needs to be fixed. Second, the Olympic-size swimming pool on the fifth-floor should be heated. Third, we should get paid an actual salary instead of stock options that are worth maybe .0000000001 cents per share."
Vast Spy Network(tm) member Double-Oh-Zero chimed in, "And we should be able to write fake news articles and opinion pieces about any geeky topic, not just Microsoft bashing or Linus worshipping. And would it kill you to upgrade the bandwidth into our offices from a T3 to an OC-48?"
In rebuttal, James Baughn said, "Who cares? You're all fictional characters anyways. I can easily replace Jon Splatz with a John Fatz... and Noah Morals with a Philip Mepocketz. So there!"