Microsoft Lawyers Invade Palm Beach, Florida

Fake News written by James Baughn on Sunday, November 12, 2000

from the if-this-wasn't-a-circus-already dept.

SOUTHERN FLORIDA -- If the confusion surrounding the US Presidential election wasn't enough, Microsoft has deployed Squadron B of its legal force into Palm Beach, Florida to demand proof from election officials that they are using licensed Microsoft software.

"The President will most likely be elected based on the results of the re-re-re-re-re-re-count of votes in this county," said Microsoft Lawyer #1534. "We simply cannot stand idly by and let Palm Beach County use pirated Microsoft software to re-count the ballots in this historic event."

Earlier today Microsoft lawyerdroids filed a series of lawsuits alleging that if Palm Beach County used any unlicensed Microsoft software whatsoever in the election process, then the results should be declared null and void. "Even if one election official played a pirated copy of Solitaire on November 7th, then the whole thing should be tossed out."

County officials have already begun the process of collecting and presenting all of the documentation, paperwork, EULAs, and COAs for the Microsoft software they use. Political pundits expect that this delay could push back the eventual election of a new President until 2002 or so. Of course, these are the same pundits who originally projected Gore would easily win Florida, which means that they are probably wrong again. We at Humorix expect the process to take until 2004 or so.

Critics have accused Microsoft of trying to interfere with the outcome in order to put the pro-Microsoft, anti-anti-trust George W. Bush into office. However, Microsoft PR flack #4142 shot back, "We've bought and paid for both candidates. We're not interested in the outcome. We're just interested in protecting the children of Microsoft shareholders who are harmed by pirated software."

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