It's Not A Bug, It's A Lawsuit!

Fake News written by James Baughn on Saturday, December 9, 2000

from the there's-money-in-them-thar-bluescreens dept.

REDMOND, WA -- In a move that could yield billions of dollars (as if they need it), Microsoft is claiming that each and every bug in Windows is protected by copyright. Squadron C of the Microsoft Briefcase Commando Unit has already deployed a series of lawsuits against rival companies.

"Macintosh systems contain bugs that cause the system to crash," explained Microsoft PR Handler #562. "And so does Windows. However, our bugs are protected by copyrights and patents. We were the first to innovate bug-ridden, crash-prone operating systems. Apple is infringing on our property, plain and simple!"

Well, it doesn't seem that plain and simple to this Humorix reporter. Apparently Microsoft wants other companies to pay royalties because of flaws in Microsoft's own products. What a racket!

Linux is also a possible target in the new Microsoft legal strategy. One anonymous source informed us, "Microsoft will claim that Linux's kernel panic errors are 'substantially similar' to the 'look and feel' of the Blue Screen of Death. They don't have a leg to stand on. But then again, what with the wackiness down in Florida, all bets are off when it comes to the courts."

If Microsoft's lawyers are successful in court, then this strategy of "turning-flaws-into-gold" could make the world's richest man even richer.

"Recent studies show that productivity in the tech workplace is decreasing," explained a pundit. "Why? Well, because of Windows, of course. There's all kinds of bugs and 'intermittent issues' that Microsoft could milk. For example, just look at the horrible memory management in Windows, and compare it to the even more horrible memory management in Mozilla. Can you say 'lawsuit?'. I knew you could."

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