Yes! Yes! Yes! Thank You, Jim Allchin!
Fake News written by on Thursday, February 15, 2001
Humorix's stock (Nasdaq: FAUX) soared 50% in heavy trading today after word spread that Microsoft's OS chief, Jim Allchin, had claimed that open source would "stifle innovation" and had boasted, "We can build a better product than Linux."
The latest Microsoft FUD barrage is expected to produce a windfall for online humor publications. "You simply can't make this stuff up," said one industry observer. "We haven't seen this kind of humor gold mine since Jesse Berst or Microsoft Bob."
Morale has improved drastically at Humorix World Headquarters following the news. "Finally, something to live for!" explained Dances With Herring, Humorix's investigative reporter. "We now have a nice easy target to poke fun at. What a morale boost for humor writers everywhere."
Indeed, Jim Allchin's "What's Good For Microsoft Is Good For The Country" pronouncement might single-handedly avoid a second Humorix strike. "Things were getting a little tense... we're losing money and there just wasn't anything worth poking fun at," explained one Vast Spy Network(tm) member. "Until now."
Unfortunately, some workers haven't quite gotten over the first strike from last year. Humorix's Investment Relations Weasal & Executive Book Cooker never got the memo about the first strike ending; he's been picketing alone outside the front gates for months and hasn't figured it out yet.
Several investment houses have upgraded Humorix's stock from "Only a complete idiot would consider this stock" all the way up to "Go ahead and buy some, at least it's worth the paper it's printed on, unlike most dotcoms". Some analysts were startled to learn that Humorix has been online for two-and-a-half years, a length of time that exceeds the life expectancy for a typical dotcom by at least 90%.