Have You Downgraded Your Browser Today?

Fake News written by James Baughn on Sunday, February 18, 2001

from the so-many-standards-to-choose-from dept.

Humorix is much more than a lame humor website that constantly pokes fun at Microsoft and lawyers while plotting improbable world domination attempts.

Humorix is an institution dedicated to positive social change. (You can stop laughing now.) For instance, we're spearheading a movement to convince people to downgrade their browsers in an attempt to fight off the effects of Sturgeon's Law.

Years ago, 90% of everything was crap. Unfortunately, thanks to the Web, that number is now much closer to 99%, and is asymptotically approaching 100%.

It's time to put a stop to the madness. Everybody needs to downgrade their browser to a version that only supports the HTML 3.2 standard.

We don't need JavaScript. We don't need proprietary plug-ins that only work with Microsoft shoveware. We don't need stupid animated GIFs of dancing babies. We don't need superfluous eye candy that sucks up 100% of virtual memory and turns a Pentium into an XT (that's what Windows is for). We don't need pages created using tables within tables within tables within tables within tables within frames within frames within pop-up windows that invariably cause Netscape to segfault.

Most of all, we don't need some snot-nosed webmaster or clueless Pointy Haired Boss* telling us to piss off when we try to visit his website using something other than Internet Exploiter 2002 running under the latest incarnation of Microsoft Windows XP (eXtremely Pathetic).

*Of course, using "clueless" and "PHB" in the same sentence is redundant.

Can you imagine what would happen if a dotcom PHB became the manager of a brick-and-mortar store? "Sorry, Ma'am, this store only supports the latest Nike(tm)®© brand shoes. Anything else is incompatible with our carpeting and will prevent you from getting the most out of our store. You will have to upgrade your shoes before we can let you in."

Just think of all of the crap we can eliminate if everyone used an HTML 3.2 browser with JavaScript turned off. We can nip Sturgeon's Law in the bud, but only with your help.

Downgrade to an older browser that hasn't been infected with Microsoft or AOL commercialism. Boycott sites that say "best viewed with IE 5.5" (which is really a warning label). And if somebody tells you to upgrade your browser, just reply, "You'll pry Lynx from my cold, dead hard drive."

With your help, we can stop the JavaScriptization of the Web.

Thank you for your support.

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