BSD And Microsoft On The Same Side?

Fake News written by James Baughn on Thursday, February 22, 2001

from the get-your-asbestos-suits-ready dept.

Several members of the Open Source community nearly fainted yesterday upon hearing the news that Microsoft's Jim Allchin had implicitly supported the BSD license while trashing the GPL as un-American.

Soon after the shocking news broke, leaders of the FreeBSD project denied allegations that they had allied themselves with the Evil Empire. "That's bullshit," one hacker said on IRC. "Besides, everyone knows that it's the GNU Project that has allied with the Evil Empire -- Communism, that is."

A representative from the GNU Project fired back, "ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US." He added after a brief hesitation, "I have no idea what that means."

This latest battle in the GPL vs. BSD (and Linux vs. FreeBSD) flamewar ends the cease-fire that was created by the 1999 Treaty of Helsinki. Industry observers expect hostilities to flare up again, with the possibility of casualties.

Indeed, the Internet Weather Bureau has already issued a "High Flame Warning" for Slashdot and portions of Usenet. "Users should expect high bandwidth use, extreme CPU usage, and a slight chance of server explosions during the warning period," the advisory states. "If your Web, news, or mail server begins to overheat under the load, please seek shelter immediately to reduce the risk of injury."

Many agree that the prospects for peace appear dubious. "This will go on until either Microsoft or the GNU Project is destroyed. We'll see lasting peace in the Middle East before this one is settled," explained one neutral observer. "Besides, now that Microsoft is involved, any hopes of a peace summit are gone. Do you know what will happen if Richard M. Stallman and Bill Gates were to meet in the same room?"

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