Death And Microsoft Taxes
Fake News written by on Monday, February 26, 2001
REDMOND, WA -- No more Mr. Nice Monopoly. That's the message Microsoft is sending with a new initiative called "Microsoft Tax 2.0". Well, it's not actually called that. In order not to upset the ongoing appeals process, Microsoft is using the euphemism "Intellectual Property Royalty And It's For The Children Fee".
Microsoft claims that they have an ironclad trademark on ".NET". Therefore, starting today, Microsoft will charge a US$100 per month royalty fee on all .net domain names, ranging from a.net to linux.net all the way up to dammitmynamedotcomandmynamedotorg werealreadytakensoihadtogetmyname.net
At a press conference, WIPO spokesperson C. Ashley Quick showed approval for Microsoft's new anti-piracy fee and tax.
"Clearly .NET is a registered trademark of Microsoft," he said. "In order to protect this valuable property from the hordes of Napster-using, anti-capitalistic, immoral, no-good pirates that span the globe, it is only natural, and legal, that Microsoft collects these royalty payments. It is, after all, designed to protect the interests of Microsoft's shareholder's children."
That same spokesperson was later seen on the street carrying two large sacks bearing the words "MICROSOFT BRIBE MONEY" and a large dollar sign.
Lawyers from Network Solutions have questioned the validity of Microsoft's claim on the entire .net TLD. "We at NSI have always had the exclusive right to charge exorbitant taxes...er, fees on domain registrations and then turn around and sell our captives'... er, customers' marketing data to other companies. We have a patent on this business model. Our patent trumps your trademark any day of the week!"
Microsoft's own lawyers shot back in a press release, "We have considerable prior art. Indeed, we have a restaurant napkin from the 1970s in which Bill Gates sketched out his world domination plan, part of which included snatching up really obvious trademarks on popular things and then hitting everyone on the head with royalty taxes. So there!"