April Fool's Day Cancelled Due To Lack Of Interest
Fake News written by on Sunday, April 1, 2001
In a bizarre turn of events, not one single person on the entire planet was fooled by an April Fool's Day gag. The lack of quality gags, plus a severe bout of apathy experienced worldwide, has turned April Fool's Day into just another boring entry on the calendar.
The staff of Humorix couldn't be happier. Our plans for abolishing April Fool's Day in favor of August Fool's Day are coming into fruition several years ahead of schedule. [Insert sinister laughter here.] This rescheduled holiday will give us several more months to procrastinate before we finally come up with our own Fool's Day gag.
One of the funniest items our Vast Spy Network(tm) uncovered today wasn't even an April Fool's Day gag. Somebody over at Ziff-Davis made the startling discovery that Linux kernel 2.4 had been released, reporting the scoop a full negative three months ahead of everybody else. This author then mentioned the "Torvolds Unix standard" and the "Riser FS". (And you thought Humorix lacked journalistic acumen!)
Even Slashdot, that bastion of absurdity, failed to get into the April Fool's spirit. Taco Boy merely used the day as an excuse to post all of the crackpot submissions that he's received during the past year. I mean, geez, a 100% lossy compression tool? Isn't that what /dev/null is for? Meanwhile, The Register's pretend assimilation into the Microsoft empire (well, we hope it's pretend) was suspiciously similar to the April Fool's Day gag Humorix did two years ago.
"I don't know why, but people just didn't care about fooling other people today," explained one sociologist. "Today is a Sunday, which might not help. And it's the beginning of Daylight Saving Time for most parts of the US, that period of government-mandated jet lag that causes people to waste several hours changing and re-changing their clocks. But still, I don't understand it. Has the whole world gone mad? (Or sane?)"
All we can say is that April Fool's Day is dead. Long live August Fool's Day.