Microsoft Cancels "Snitch" Program

Fake News written by James Baughn on Wednesday, May 2, 2001

from the if-only-they'd-cancel-msn dept.

REDMOND -- Two days ago, word spread that Microsoft was offering not-so-fabulous prizes to OEMs who snitched on customers that purchased a large number of Microsoft-free PCs. Microsoft quietly canceled the program earlier today after they discovered that millions of customers were opting for Linux instead of Windows.

"This was embarassing," said an anonymous Microsoft spokesweasal. "We don't want the world to know that a large number of people are now using Linux. Hopefully we can sweep this whole thing under the rug and all the PHBs out there will still think Windows is the only choice."

Participation in the snitch-for-swag program was far more than Microsoft bargained for. They didn't expect to receive 12,400 responses in the first day alone. The Marketing Department may never fully recover from the shocking realization that people outside of Redmond have the audacity of buy PCs without Windows.

"This changes everything," said one Microserf.

In related news, Red Hat has spearheaded a program to offer fabulous prizes to OEMs who divulge the names of customers who purchased PCs with other competing Linux distributions installed.

"We're going to cut off Mandrake's air supply," said one Red Hat employee before bursting into an evil grin.

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