Carnivore Threatens Carrier Pigeon Internet Protocol

Fake News written by James Baughn on Thursday, May 10, 2001

from the early-morning-snack dept.

The FBI has declared war against RFC 1149. The agency claims that the Carrier Pigeon Internet Protocol is a threat to national security because, in their words, "TERRORISTS, CHILD PORNOGRAPHERS, MONEY LAUNDERERS, and MUSIC PIRATES can use the technology to send ENCRYPTED messages that CANNOT be intercepted by law enforcement for PUBLIC SAFETY purposes."

Well, not exactly. Starting today, messages sent by avian carrier are within the grasp of the FBI's Carnivore system. The agency has assembled a flock of 100 predatory birds trained to find, intercept, and devour any pigeons carrying RFC 1149 messages. Carnivore, indeed.

The fact that only one message has been successfully transmitted by CPIP hasn't deterred the FBI from spending millions on their anti-avian program. A spokesperson only offered this defense, "It's for the children, dammit!"

The hackers who implemented RFC 1149 are not thrilled about the FBI's actions. "We send one freakin' ping command and suddenly we're international terrorists," ranted one irate Linux longhair. "I guess we'll have to go back to the old-fashioned way of sending IP datagrams -- by Pony Express."

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