Cease and Desist Letter From A Parallel Universe

Fake News written by Dink Meeker on Sunday, May 13, 2001

from the this-is-getting-out-of-hand dept.

At Humorix, we've always dreamed of the day when all of the world's lawyers are rounded up and deported to some alternate dimension. Unfortunately, that day will never come. Lawyers already inhabit every single parallel universe, as demonstrated by the following e-mail our Vast Spy Network(tm) intercepted.


Sincerely,

Attorneys at Law
Howe, Cheatam, and Dewey

Our firm represents the citizens of the 42nd parallel universe, also called The Bizarro World. We are asking you to cease and desist from your research towards quantum computers that operate without power. Such computers operate on the principle that the computations being performed are occurring on computers in alternate worlds. Please note that under the QMCA, or Quantum Millennium Copyright Act, any computations performed in our reality become our own intellectual property in perpetuity throughout the multiverse.

In response to your blatant acts of piracy that threaten our possible economic futures, the Yahoo-Organized Universal Commission Against New Technology (YOUCANT) has ruled that we may begin to collapse any superpositions exhibiting your reality's quantum signature, so, as our bizarro-hackers like to say, "All of your bases are under our control".

If you continue to distribute content or eigenstates that may contain content on using quantum computers in this way, we will be forced to take additional legal action.

To Whom It May Concern:

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