Hacker Arrested For Defacing His Own Website
Fake News written by on Friday, July 27, 2001
It's a great time to be a Microsoft employee. With all of the outrage surrounding the Dmitry Sklyarov case, the Federal Bureau of Investigation & Privacy Violations has quickly replaced Microsoft as the number one enemy of the geek community.
And how! Earlier today, Mr. Eric Nolluck was arrested for violating the DMCA when he "defaced" his own website as a form of protest against the DMCA.
According to charges filed by the FBI&PV, at 11:45 AM on July 27, 2001, Nolluck purposely defaced the front page of his website ("Eric's House Of Pr0n") by posting a page that featured a photograph of Dmitry and the slogans "Free Dmitry!" and "Serr Qzvgel!"
[Editor's Note: We would provide a mirror of the defaced page, but doing so might violate federal law because we would be making a copy of the hacker's intellectual property.]
Within 30 minutes, a SWAT team from the FBI&PV raided Nolluck's apartment and arrested him for DMCA violations.
Explained the FBI&PV prosecutor, "The photograph of Dmitry came from a newspaper website. Nolluck illegally used an anti-circumvention tool -- in this case, his browser's 'Save To Disk' command -- to make an unauthorized copy of the Dmitry photo. In addition, the name 'Dmitry Sklyarov' is so hard to spell that we suspect that Nolluck copied the name from another website without permission using another illegal anti-circumvention tool -- in this case, his operating system's cut and paste mechanism."
Eric Nolluck has also been charged with defacing a website, a crime under federal law. The victim of the website defacement, Mr. Nolluck, declined to file criminal charges against the accused, Mr. Nolluck, but that hasn't stopped the FBI&PV from pursuing the case.
"We can't let perps like this run around," an FBI&PV agent exclaimed. "Won't somebody please think of the children of media corporation executives who will be harmed if hackers and pirates like this continue their evil deeds?"
While interrogating him, the FBI&PV learned that Eric Nolluck has the ability to translate ROT13-encoded documents into plain text in his head. As a result, the FBI&PV has initiated a nationwide manhunt to find Nolluck's parents and arrest them for giving birth to a copyright-infringement device, a federal crime.
In response to the news, Microsoft stock climbed 15 points in heavy trading. Said one spokesperson, "Maybe now we can get some peace and quiet without all of the geeks of the world breathing down our necks when we try to innovate. Thank you, John Ashcroft, for taking everyone's attention away from Microsoft!"
In other related news, our Vast Spy Network(tm) has learned that the FBI&PV has started files on several Humorix employees. Because these employees have published lame humor articles poking fun at the agency, the FBI&PV considers them to be "national security risks".