Microsoft Appeals to Supreme Court, Plans Insanity Defense
Fake News written by on Saturday, August 11, 2001
REDMOND, WA -- Microsoft announced last week that it would be appealing the anti-trust verdict rendered against it by Judge Jackson, and upheld by the U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia, to the United States Supreme Court.
Humorix sources close to the Microsoft legal team inform us that Microsoft is planning a secret new legal strategy. They plan to argue that recently surfaced evidence will prove once-and-for-all that the software giant is not guilty of anti-competitive behavior... by reason of insanity.
They plan use this MPEG video of Steve Ballmer from an internal Microsoft event as their primary piece of evidence.
Humorix legal consultant, Noah Morals, had this to say when asked about Microsoft's new legal strategy: "It will never work. You cannot use insanity as a defense for anti-competitive behavior in a US court of Law. Believe me, I've tried it."
When asked about whether this is just a delay tactic, Morals responded, "If it is, it's a poor one. They'll be publicly humiliated when they get laughed out of the courtroom... I know I was! If Microsoft is really, seriously thinking about this, they're insane! That will be $250 for this consultation."
After viewing the Ballmer video himself, Morals added "I changed my mind, they can pull this off, it's brilliant! That's another $60 you owe me."
A Microsoft spokeswoman who asked not to be named said that she knew nothing about this new legal strategy, but denied that the company has lost its marbles. "No, I can firmly say that all of the marbles are in still in vases scattered around the reception area for decorative purposes, just as they've always been."