The Blue Screen Of Advocacy
Fake News written by on Friday, August 17, 2001
The Federal Bureau of Investigation & Privacy Violations has issued a national advisory warning computer stores to be on the lookout for the "Bluescreen Bandits". These extreme Linux zealots go from store to store and from computer to computer typing in "C:CONCON" and causing the demo machines to crash and display the Blue Screen Of Death.
Efforts to apprehend the bandits have so far been unsuccessful. The outlaws were caught on tape at a CompUSSR location in Southern California, but in an ironic twist, the surveillance system bluescreened just before the penguinistas came into clear view.
"We don't have many clues. It's not clear whether a small group is behind the bluescreen vandalism, or whether hundreds or even thousands of geek zealots are involved," said the manager of a Capacitor City store in North Carolina.
The manager has good reason to be upset. The bluescreen raid was the top story in the local newspaper and quickly became a hot topic of discussion. As a result, the local school board halted its controversial plans to migrate their computers from Macs to PCs.
"I didn't realize it was that easy to crash a Windows 98 computer," explained the chairman of the school board. "If we replaced the machines in our labs, every student would be typing in 'C:CONCON' all day long. I don't think we're prepared to deal with that."
Other stores have reported other forms of vandalism possibly committed by the penguinistas. At a Paperclips store in Missouri, stickers that said "Requires 1 Terabyte Of RAM" and "Produced By A Company In Violation Of Federal Law" were plastered on boxes of Windows ME. Meanwhile, at an OfficeLeast location in Maryland, the screensavers on the demo computers were altered to flash the text "Free copy of 'Windows For Dummies' included with each new computer -- because if you buy one of these computers, you're obviously a dummy!"
Microsoft has posted a $1,000 reward for the arrest and conviction of any of the "Bluescreen Bandits". If you have any information on the identity or whereabouts of any of the penguinistas, please contact your nearest Humorix branch office immediately; we want to give an award to these brave Linux advocates. Meanwhile, please don't contact your nearest FBI&PV agent or Microsoft representative. The reward money simply isn't worth it.