Slashdot Effect Prevention Kit Saves The Day
Fake News written by on Tuesday, August 28, 2001
At Humorix, we don't like to post endorsements for commercial products (unless we get paid a boatload of money). But we're going to make an exception for the Slashdot Effect Prevention Kit, featured on this site three years ago.
Thanks to the Kit, Humorix narrowly averted disaster when one of the Slashdot editors actually found one of our stories funny. Hemos was just about to place a direct link to this website -- the equivalent of a death sentence for a webserver -- when the Slashdot Effect Prevention Kit entered into "RedAlert" mode and prevented the calamity.
According to research conducted by the Humorix Vast Spy Network(tm), nearly 5,000 servers have crashed as the result of the Slashdot Effect. At least 500 of these boxes were ultimately destroyed by the unrelenting fury they experienced at the hands of Taco Boy and his Mexican-food-eating comrades.
"It's like being struck by lightning 10,000 times in a row," explained an anonymous member of the Slashdot Effect Victims Support Group at a meeting held earlier today. "Or it's like a massive tornado. The mobile homes (Windows 2000 servers) are the first to get creamed, but even the homes with steel reinforced walls (Linux servers) will eventually succumb to the maelstrom."
The Support Group currently has 125 members, with more joining daily. Eric Herboven, the founder of the group, is planning a class-action lawsuit against Andover/OSDN/VA Linux/Whatever over the damages caused by the Slashdot Effect. "I've spent thousands of dollars in excess bandwidth fees," he said. "I've had servers explode on me. I've blown countless fuses. When will the insanity end?"
Of course, much of the damage and heartache could be avoided by installing the Slashdot Effect Prevention Kit. Unfortunately, the program isn't open-source software, but at $49.95 a pop, it's still worth it.
The program has received an award from the People for the Ethical Treatment of Computers. "We need to stop the cruelty against servers," the PETC spokesperson said. "Installing Windows on a PC is wrong. And forcing a machine to endure the Slashdot Effect is even more wrong. When will the insanity end?"
You can make the insanity end right now. Install the Kit before it's too late. The Slashdot Effect Prevention Kit is available for purchase from such fine retail outlets as...
OH CRAP! Sensors indicate that the Slashdot Effect Prevention Kit website has just been hit with the Slashdot Effect! Oh the humanity!
Okay, so maybe we spoke too soon.