Humorixia Offers Free Citizenship To The First 50,000 US Refugees

Jon Splatz on Saturday, October 13, 2001

from the You're-Either-For-Us-Or-Against-Us dept.

The geek paradise of Humorixia, that grand experiment in creating a new nation free from lawyers, needs your help. We have offered freedom. We have offered an island immune from the ravages of such acronyms as 'DMCA', 'UCITA', 'SSSCA', and 'FBI&PV'. We have offered everything that geeks have ever dreamed of.

And yet, approximately zero US citizens have relocated to Humorixia. Our population is still exactly three -- myself, along with the Benevolent Vice Dictator and the Meta-Moderator Judge. We need more warm bodies. To this end, we have decided to offer political asylum, citizenship, and other perks for the first 50,000 refugees fleeing from the sinking ship that is the United States.

Not only is the dreaded Lawyerclysm still imminent, but now the US is also rapidly spiraling towards another terrible calamity: the 'Childrenclysm' (a term I just made up). Elected leaders are suspending a greater and greater number of civil liberties all in the same of saving the children. Before long, freedoms will be suspended in the name of saving the college students [Oops, too late. -- The Editor]. Or saving the middle-aged baby boomers. Or saving the elderly.

The insanity must end!

We need more people to relocate to Humorixia. We need enough warm bodies to transform Humorixia into a beacon for freedom, justice, and sanity instead of just another running gag featured on a lame humor website.

Just look at some of the advantages of joining Humorixia:

  • Immunity from terrorism. Humorixia has established diplomatic relations with precisely zero other nations. Likewise, zero other nations formally recognize us. This is a good thing! Since no foreign government or foreign terrorist organization even knows we exist, we will never become a target. The bad guys can't launch an attack against an enemy they've never heard of!

  • Free land. While Humorixia is a very tiny island in the South Pacific, we still have enough space to give small parcels of land to the first 50,000 immigrants. We are currently in the process of bulldozing the Mt. Coredump volcano into the ocean to make the island larger.

  • Free goodies. The first boatload of refugees to arrive at the capital city of Minasra (Minasra Is Not A Self-Referential Acronym) will receive free T-shirts that say "Only idiots sacrifice freedom to save freedom". These first citizens will also receive a framed copy of the Humorixia General Social License autographed by me.

  • No lawyers. Enough said.

  • And no lobbyists, too!

  • No nanny state laws. If you want to ride your motorcycle on Humorixia's only highway without a helmet, we won't stop you. Of course, if you crash and splatter your grey matter on the pavement, your next of kin won't be able to file any billion-dollar wrongful-death lawsuits.

  • A government with a very simple philosophy: No civil liberties shall be infringed without a damn good reason. And that reason better not include the phrases "It's for the children!" or "Because it's bad for you!" or "So we can fight criminals!" In short, it's a government for geeks by geeks.

The geek paradise of Humorixia awaits. We have rolled out the welcome wagon. The only question is: will you join us?

For more information, contact:

Benevolent Dictator Jon Splatz
42 Linus Torvalds Blvd.

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