Say Goodbye To Speling Erors On Slashdot Once And For All
Fake News written by on Sunday, November 4, 2001
Mozilla has finally stumbled upon a reason for its existence. Earlier today the programming team behind the kitchen-sink-disguised- as-a-web-browser announced a brand new killer feature dubbed "De-Taco-izer". When enabled, this feature will automatically detect and correct all spelling snubs, punctuation problems, grammar gaffes, and annoying alliterations contained on a webpage.
"This is going to make surfing the Web so much more enjoyable," explained one Mozillian. "This will significantly reduce the number of redundant comments posted to Slashdot about Taco Boy's twisted use of the English language. Our projections indicate that the total amount of bandwidth saved across the entire Internet should drop by two or even three percent!"
De-Taco-izer includes a special "College English Professor With An Attitude" mode which will highlight all of the mistakes with red scribbles and then assign a letter grade to the webpage. For instance, if Taco Boy uses "virii" instead of "viruses", the De-Taco-izer will write an annotation across the page saying, "I've seen warez d00dz write with better mechanics than this! D-"
The project leader behind De-Taco-izer hopes to extend the auto-correction technology to other domains. "We've already got a demoronizer to eliminate non-standard Microsoft characters," he said. "But what we really need is a De-Marketing-izer to make corrections to commonly abused phrases by marketing weasals. For instance, a 'known issue' would become a 'stupid bug our programmers didn't have time to fix because they were busy adding a Dancing Start Menu'. And 'dear valued customer' would be silently replaced with 'dear supplicant who is about to get screwed yet again'."
These new features could give Mozilla a desperately needed fifth chance to succeed. "Mozilla will become the de facto choice for browsing Slashdot," said one zealot. "With De-Taco-izer, you won't get a headache every time you read a movie review by Taco Boy."
Not everybody is convinced. "Microsoft will just 'invent' this idea next week and integrate the Word spell-checker into Internet Explorer," said one naysayer. "Users without Word will be gently reminded every 3.2 minutes to go out and buy Office XP (but only after they obtain a Passport). And of course Microsoft will patent this feature; Mozilla should find itself at the wrong end of a lawsuit within the next month or so."
Richard M. Stallman didn't seem too impressed with De-Taco-izer either. "How can something that claims to correct spelling errors not change 'Linux' into 'GNU/Linux'? What a joke!"
Rob Malda's high school English teacher was unavailable for comment at press time.