Humorix Unveils New Form Of Intrusive, Annoying Advertising
Press Release posted by on Sunday, December 9, 2001
In a last-ditch effort to make money and increase its stock (Nasdaq: FAUX) above 0.00001 cents, Humorix World Domination announced today a new Web advertising medium code-named "Blackmail".
"Banner ads, full screen ads, pop-unders, pop-overs, pop-arounds, dancing paper clips, and other forms of advertising have all failed on the Web," explained Mr. Wee Zell, Humorix's new Chief of Marketing & Getting Rich Quick. "But we've designed a new system guaranteed to increase click-through rates to nearly 100%."
"It's just like a hot stove," explained Mr. Zell. "Once you burn your hand once, you won't touch a hot stove again. And once you get burned by Blackmail, you won't try to ignore the advertising again. By guaranteeing that visitors will click on their advertisments, we can charge premium rates to our sponsors."
The new advertising system also has another large benefit. "When a website unveils a new obnoxious form of advertising, Slashdot and other high-traffic sites always link to them!" boasted Mr. G. E. Trich, Humorix's Investor Relations Liason & Executive Book Cooker. "According to our research, when we launch Blackmail, there is a 98.3% probability that Slashdot will place a link to Humorix within 24 hours, boosting our traffic by 100,000%!
Mr. Trich continued, "We also plan to enforce an anti-linking policy to increase the number of sites that link to us. When KPMG demanded that webmasters obtain permission to link to them, everybody and their brother linked to them without permission. We want the same thing to happen to Humorix. Hopefully we can convince Taco Boy over at Slashdot to post two stories about Humorix -- one about Blackmail and one about our anti-link policy."
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