Linus Torvalds Files Suit Against Lindows
Fake News written by on Saturday, December 22, 2001
For the first time in recorded history, Linus Torvalds and Bill Gates are on the same side. Sort of.
Linus has joined Microsoft in filing a lawsuit against Lindows for trademark infringement. He isn't worried that people will mistake "Lindows" for "Linux". But he is concerned that people might mistake "Lindows" for "Windows".
"I don't want my creation associated with some crappy operating system produced by Microsoft," explained Torvalds. The name Lindows, however, does just that. I realize that the Lindows folks are doing their part to achieve World Domination fast, but can't they at least come up with an original name that doesn't slander Linux by connecting it with the W-word?"
The Lindows legal staff, currently holed up in a small office building laid seige by Microsoft's vast army of lawyers, issued only a brief response that said, "One lawsuit at a time, please. Can't you at least wait a few months? Signed, Mrs. Mia Kulpa, chief attorney for the Company Soon To Be Formerly Known As Lindows."
Microsoft's lawsuit seeks $1.5 billion in damages plus a court order demanding that every Lindows developer get on their knees before Chairman Bill and beg for forgiveness. Torvalds, on the other hand, does not want monetary damages and seeks only to obtain a ruling that states once and for all that Windows sucks and therefore the Lindows name would soil the reputation of Linux.
In related news, the Lindows executives have yet to respond to the 512 voice mails left by Richard M. Stallman demanding to know why their name isn't "GNU/Lindows".