Microsoft Acquires Humorix
Fake News written by on Saturday, February 16, 2002
Immediately following our bankruptcy, Humorix received a note from Nasdaq stating that Microsoft acquired all available Humorix shares the moment the stock price reached $0.00. Since our staff sold their employee stock during the .com boom (I bought myself a nice CD-R medium for my 10,000,000 shares!), Microsoft now owns 99.93% of Humorix.
The site will continue under the name of humoriXP. The Vast Spy Network(tm) will be referred to as vastspy.NET in the future.
But the news isn't all bad: Our hardware has seen massive upgrades after the acquisition. Our web server -- formerly a 386SX using a 14.4 kBit/s dialup connection -- is now a cluster of 10,000 8-way Pentium IVs with 2 Terabytes of RAM each, and all on a 1 GBit/s net connection.
The cluster is running Windows XP though, which is why you probably haven't noticed any speed improvements.
Also, all employees have been kept, though some were moved to different positions. Noah Morals, obsoleted by Microsoft's Vast Lawyer Network, is now our system administrator (none of our techies wanted the job of running around between the 10,000 servers and pressing the Reset button on every bluescreen). Unconfirmed reports from vastspy.NET claim Noah lost 4 pounds on the first day in his new job.
We hope to continue bringing you only the most sincere and serious fake news.