Microsoft Attempts To Acquire Microsoft

Fake News written by Bernhard Rosenkraenzer on Thursday, March 14, 2002

from the embrace-and-extend-yourself dept.

When former HumoriXP system administrator Noah Morals opened his mailbox earlier this week, a message labeled "Acquisition offer" immediately caught his attention. [Editor's Note: Even though Noah had already been pink-slipped from the company, he could still read his mail on HumoriXP because of a security "known issue" in Microsoft Exchange that ignored the "account locked" flag.]

Shortly after mistaking it for the usual "We'll allow you to make money fast" spam and forwarding it to uce@ftc.gov [Where vastspy.NET got hold of it], he noticed it was actually a legitimate message from Microsoft, apparently addressed to him as the legal contact of the company formerly known as Humorix World Domination, Inc.

The message is straight to the point:

Received: from openrelay.spam.microsoft.com (openrelay.spam.microsoft.com [123.45.67.8]) by fallback.fallback.fallback. fallback.mainserverbluescreened. humorixp.internal (Microsoft Exchange XP)
Received: from linux01.internalmail.microsoft.com (internal.microsoft.com [10.0.0.1]) by openrelay.spam.microsoft.com (Microsoft Exchange XP)
Received: from unimatrix10.marketing.microsoft.com (alcoven736.internal.microsoft.com [10.0.7.36]) by linux01.internalmail.microsoft.com (Don't publish)
From: C. Ashley Quick <acquisitions@microsoft.com>
To: Noah Morals <address stripped - we don't like spam>
Subject: Acquisition offer

Dear Mr. Morals,

We have found your website and would like to use it for marketing purposes, in particular, we would like your stories to take a less pro-Linux stance, and we'd like you to make use of the Internet Explorer-specific tag to spread the word of Bill Gates being God.

Since a banner advertising contract covering this is probably more expensive than your company, we're offering to buy your company for $10.

In expectation of your positive reply, C. Ashley Quick

P.S.: Resistance is futile. You WILL be assimilated.


His reply was even more straightforward: "In cash?"

Before Microsoft realized they just made a $10 offer to buy a company they already owned, Morals grabbed the $10 bill and hasn't been seen since.

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