From Domain Names To Domain Nations

Fake News written by James Baughn on Wednesday, April 10, 2002

from the what-will-their-flag-look-like? dept.

SYNN CITY, ICANNIA -- Recently, ICANN (ICANN Controls All Network Navigation) voted to eliminate all vestiges of democracy from its structure and transform itself into an independent island nation with its own currency and standing army (consisting of bureaucrats, lawyers, marketers, and PR flacks). The new country of "Icannia" will maintain monopolies on its only resources, Internet domain names and hot air.

In response, the Internet community has declared ICANN as damage and has already taken steps to route around it. Mr. Les Hope, founder of the brand new organization NO-U-CANNT (the meaning of the acronym hasn't been decided yet), explained in a public address carried via live ASCII broadcast, "We must take back our domain names before ICANN chief Luart 'Napolean' Synn is able to crown himself Emperor Of The Internet!"

NO-U-CANNT has not yet formulated a plan to defeat ICANN or Icannia. Indeed, NO-U-CANNT still hasn't figured out how its own structure should be set up. Earlier today, the PAHCC (Preliminary Ad-Hoc Constitutional Committee) held a RFD (Request For Discussion) meeting but didn't make any headway on creating a PPP (Preliminary Progress Plan) towards drafting an Interrim Provisional NO-U-CANNT Core Charter.

"One of the problems with ICANN is its bloated, bureaucratic nature. All of ICANN's responsibilities could be adequately handled by a well-written Perl script and yet this supposed non-profit organization spends millions of dollars on legal fees," explained the IALC (Interrim At-Large Chairman) of NO-U-CANNT before attending a BFE (Big Fundraising Event) to raise funds to pay for the BPD (Beer, Pizzas, and other Digestibles) that will be freely distributed at upcoming meetings of the ADWG (Acronym Definition Working Group) and PAHCC (Preliminary Ad-Hoc Constitutional Committee).

Not everybody is jumping up and down at the opportunity to overthrow ICANN. "Meet the new boss, same as the old boss," said a charter member of the "Verisign Stole My Domain Name And All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt That I Had To Buy Myself" support group. "The only real solution," he continued, "is to invent a time machine and bring back Jon Postel alive from the past."

One crackpot said, "Our only hope is to eliminate the entire Domain Name System and replace it with something else. My company, Free Energy, Cold Fusion, and Mind Reading Technologies Ltd., has developed a prototype device for reading a computer's users mind and translating their thoughts into the IP address of the website they wish to visit. We hope to have a working prototype (running on our patended dielectric sub-lateral trans-dimensional heavy-water cold fusion device) next year, funding permitting."

From his new office in Synn City, Icannia, the Interrim Malevolent Dictator Luart Synn issued a statement that said, "By forming our own independent nation, Icannia will be able to provide high-quality domain names at reduced prices while also offering several exciting new Top Level Domains including .spam, .mlm, .workfromhome, .getrichquick, and .casino. We welcome other large businesses and organizations to join us and reap the rewards of forming your own independent nation free from taxes and free from those pesky consumer protection regulations."

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