China Cracks Down On Naughty Websites

Fake News written by Anonymous Cowherd on Saturday, June 1, 2002

from the so-weird-it-must-be-true dept.

The Chinese government has unveiled a new program to bolster its effort to prevent citizens from looking at things-not-in-their-best-interests on the Internet. Previous attempts to censor local proxy servers failed miserably when users quickly discovered the country's worst kept Internet secret: they could just use an outside proxy. The local blocking of such anti-China websites as linux-usb.org, freshmeat and the 1394 trade association was simply too easy to circumvent. Even with rooms of police officers constantly trawling the 'Net for prohibited content, it was impossible to keep up with all of the pro-USB propoganda.

Australia, an even more draconian web censor, has experienced similar problems with the un-enforcability of its Internet decency laws. But China has the solution. Under their new system, teams of police officers will patrol Internet bars and look over everybody's shoulders to prevent users from seeing something naughty they shouldn't see.

"This is a stand for protecting our youth from foreign perversions," (translated) said one television executive miffed that most of his viewers prefer ICQ chat instead of commercials for expensive medicine that makes your children grow taller and do better at school (at the same time -- you have to see the ads!).

"It is for the protection of our young people's fragile minds," (translated) said a government spokesman. He may or may not have added, "If they see even one page of forbidden content, their lives will be ruined. We can't let that happen." [Editor: Feel free to insert a snide comment here about how politicians are the same the world over regardless of ideology.]

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APRIL FOOLS!

This is an official Humorix April Fools gag. The above news story is NOT fake at all... it is COMPLETELY TRUE!!! If you failed to believe it for a moment, you were fooled. As Nelson on the Simpsons would say, "Ha-ha!"

Yes, we know it isn't April First. But what is the point of having April Fools Day at the same time every year? Who is fooled by that? We here at Humorix have officially declared today as June Fools Day -- because one day a year simply isn't enough for fake-news-disguised-as-true-news or, in this case, true-news-disguised-as-fake-news.

So there!

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