Weblog Changes Results Of An Election!
Fake News written by on Sunday, June 30, 2002
LIZARD LICK, OHIO -- According to research conducted by the Humorix Vast Spy Network(tm), over 12,000 weblog sites are currently active on the Internet, mindlessly propogating an average total of 52,100 website links per day. However, our spies were unable to uncover any documented cases of a weblog posting having any effect on the Real World. Until this week.
Last Tuesday, voters in the city of Lizard Lick cast ballots on Proposition A, which would require a "five day waiting period and background check" before the purchase of any violent video game within city limits. One city resident, Bradford Perre, happened to read an editorial on a weblog called "Bob Weikert's Soapbox Of Mystery" about the vote, and immediately changed his mind and voted "NO" on the proposal. As a result, the proposition failed by one vote.
"This is absolutely stunning," Bob Weikert posted to his website. "To think that I actually had an impact on meatspace? Wow!"
If Mr. Perre hadn't seen the weblog editorial, he would have voted "YES" and the measure would have passed, 612-611. "I originally thought we should place limits on video games to protect the children," he explained. "I mean, we all know that the violent game 'Microsoft Flight Simulator' was what inspired the terrorists to fly planes into buildings. But the editorial argued that we would then head down a slippery slope and that, for instance, adult videos and magazines could be targeted next for mandatory background checks. Since I maintain one of the largest private collections of pornography in this state, I didn't want to support anything that might impact my... uh, 'hobby'. So I voted no."
The Coalition Of Outraged Soccer Moms expressed outrage over the failure of their iniative to pass. Last year the group successfully lobbied to eliminate the ultra-violent games of dodgeball and tag from the city's public school system, but they simply couldn't muster enough support to keep Johnny from buying "Civilization", that insidious video game produced by the evil Sid Meier that encourages players to wipe out whole cities and civilizations for fun.
"This is an outrage," said Amber Brundage of the Coalition. "Some kid with a website was able to single-handedly defeat our ballot initiative? We can't stand for that! Society can't allow these subversive websites to subvert society. We need a law!"
Undoubtedly the Coalition will gather enough signatures to put the proposition on the ballot again next year. But Bob Weikert will be ready. "Now I only have three or four regular readers -- but next year I might have a dozen. That will be more than enough to win another election!"